Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 9/30/2010

Question
Hi I'm 30 yrs old and I have been in a 6 year relationship where she drinks, she is a cutter and comes out of a very difficult childhood! She is drinking was in jail before skipped work stayed away from home for 3 days without calling smsing or letting me know where she is. Always promising she will change and then again she relapse. Once she called me 6 times in 20 minutes when I left her she called me saying she cut herself. She always blames me for all her mistakes and said she only wants to social and not drink. I'm very down to eart stable my career and goals is important I'm a homy person.I will go home cook make dinner and see that she is ok always. I have verbally abused her before out of frustration.she was in jail 3 times before for drunk driving still not accepting she is an alcoholic. I'm frustrated as when she's sober she is the best person ever. Once drinking she is abusing me verbally. I don't have self esteem left feel like nothing and I'm at a point where its just too much to handle. I feel sorry for her and do care. Please give me advice. She is in denial and is always crying after words when she is sober but when I'm angry I say things to her and I'm ugly. Please help. She used to sniff petrol when she was much younger is the alcohol a replacement and can a person like this be ever normal. Is there hope?

Answer
Dear Desperate

I would suggest you contemplate why you would be attracted to someone that has all of these addictions and problems. Are you trying to save her? If so, no there is no hope for that relationship. You need to tell her goodbye unless she gets her act together or she will take you down with her.