Expert: Druideck - 9/22/2010

Question
I would like to get as much info as possible on Men who become alcoholics because of their controlling wives or so they say...they drive them to drink.

Answer
Laura,

I have been an addictions counsellor for
25 years and have never seen a case
of someone being an alcoholic
unless they were predisposed to addictions
or compulsive behaviour.

The idea of blaming does not enter into
recovery from addictions, it is in fact
the opposite. One must take responsibility
for their alcoholism and have it treated
by attending Alcoholic Anonymous and
by practising the Twelve Step program.

Controlling wives become that way
because of their own emotional
deficiencies. Living with an
irresponsible alcoholic allows them
to practise their own illness.

Often when a husband recovers the wife
may leave him to find another to control.

If we place blame outside ourself for
our illness then we have effectively given
our personal power to recover away to another
person. This is not healthy and recovery
always puts the resposibility to treat the
illness directly on the alcoholic himself.

If the controlling wife wishes recovery for
herself she can seek that in Alanon twelve
step meetings.

Recovery is a life time process of personal
growth, it is not a requirement for
the wife to recover but if the relationship
is to survive they must both grow
in life changing ways.

If one does not recover they will keep
following the old patterns of behaviour.

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