Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 1/9/2011

Question
QUESTION: Dear Jurriaan Plesman

I don't know if this went through the first time as I got an error message, so trying again, in case you receive two requests the same.

I wonder is this question in your area of expertise.
Sorry this is so long.

Background:
My sister 40yrs with 2 little girls 5 and 3yrs, she’s on a single parents pension, very attractive, naturally athletic, her ex boyfriend [8 years younger] pays child support inconsistently, she used to swim a lot for exercise.   They have been together on and off for 10 years and only lived together for 18 moths of that time.
History of verbal and physical abuse from ex boyfriend, who has smoked dope, since he was a teenager and drinks heavily, and its affected his intellect.  
Her Medication : a history of anti depressant dependency, and prescribed use of Prozac.  
Her History of alcohol dependence, and domestic violence against her ex boyfriend, self harm, explosive temper, anxiety, depression, unpredictable and inconsistent reactions.  She changed her name.
Very close to Mum “best friends” all her life.  Dependent on Mum for financial, social support, advice, baby sitting.
Youngest of 7 children, didn’t get inheritance when others did from sale of property, therefore resentment.  Main Beneficiary in Mum’s will.
Has always had lots of boyfriend, not many girlfriends.  
Years of mental health problems, since she left school, dependence on anti depressants for anxiety depression, prescribed use of Prozac.  
Unaware of drug abuse, but presumably as her friends were drugging.  
Mood swings, highs, lows outbursts, her friends used to nick name her 'bipolar'.
More recently:
2005 when pregnant with 2nd child, drinking through pregnancy, didn’t want the child.  Arranged for adoption, until it was born, then decided to keep it.  The child was put in foster care for 18 months due to my sister’s inability to cope and depression.  Unfortunately the little girl says she doesn’t feel part of the family, and the eldest child and my sister side against her.
Current:
Sober 1 year.  
Mental health seems to have improved some what since stopped drinking, no self harm, anger diminished a bit, although short fuse with kids, anxiety remains.  Still dependent on anti depressants.
Financial stress.  
Unemployed.
Won’t accept any help re suggestions to get counselling, healthy eating suggestions, support groups, vitamins.
No friends her age, only 3 friends: aged 45 [her 2nd daughter’s foster mother], 58, 72 years [who are Mum’s friends].  The older friends give her a hard time about no having a job, or social network.
I am 10 years older, we don’t have much in common.  I help her with writing letters to the solicitors, as she is going through court system for parenting order for ex boyfriend’s access.  Last time he came around and forced his was into the unit and got a big knife out of the draw and slashed some of the furniture.  She was worried he might turn the knife on her if next time he comes.  
During christmas the ex boyfriend phoned and text her about 50 times over a couple of days, because he wanted to see the kids.  The court has said he is to have supervised access.
She continues to have phone contact with him, even though there is a dvo against him.  
Mum has got early stages of dementia, and unfortunately Mum has had a small TIA stroke four weeks ago, and has lost some cognitive functioning, but I’m worried if Mum has another stroke, what will happen, if Mum goes into an aged care facility and how will my sister cope.
When she was living with her ex boyfriend, and she was trying to leave him, but had to wait three months before she could leave the state because of the charges against her.  He provoked her and she attacked him, he charged her and it went to court, she was told to stop drinking and do a anger management course with Salvation Army.  She relied on the Salvation Army counsellor on a daily basis to support emotionally in what she was going through.   I have suggested she make contact with them again for emotional support.
Now her health isn’t as good, she’s got a staph germ and she has sores from neck to toe, and she doesn’t seem to under stand how bad it is.  She has been on antibiotics and she said they didn’t help.  I made an appointment with a naturopath who specialises in fungal infections, and she was all geared up to go, then cancelled at the very last minute.  She doesn’t eat vegetables or fruit, I have given her information on healthy eating, but she doesn’t take any notice.  I have bought her vitamins, but she doesn’t take them.  Her kids are sick a lot, at one point the little 4yr old was sick for four weeks, we kept asking her to take her to the doctor, and only when I said a nurse suggested we contact child safety department, did she take her to the doctor.  It seems that the 4 yr old is the one that gets neglected, because if it’s her first daughter who gets sick, she takes her to the doctor straight away.  She leaves the 4 yr old with Mum a lot to baby sit while she goes shopping with the 5 yr old and treats her like her 'girlfriend'.  
Its getting more difficult for Mum now that she’s had the TIA, to look after the 4 yr old.
The 4 yr old isn’t well, her health has deteriorated over the last 4 months, bruising, temper tantrums, hyperactivity, increased infections, raised red sores, dark rings under her eyes.  My sister has told Mum she thinks there is something wrong with her, but hasn’t done anything about it.
The little 4 yr old plays in my room with toys, and told my sister that I said I wanted to be the little girl’s mother.  My sister accused me of saying that, when I denied it, she said the little girls tells it how it is and believed her daughter.
My sister is very close to her other sister, and relies on her for advice and used to live with her a couple of years ago, although she lives two days drive away, and likes to drink alcohol frequently.
My sister has a reputation with family members for being unreliable and abusive foul mouth.  
She doesn’t work, and when getting job search advice, she told us that she could only do a cleaner's job, because she hasn’t worked for over 5 years, and as she used to work in housekeeping in one of the big hotels for years as housemaid.  She has very limited experience on the computer.  She was offered a cleaning job with some of Mum’s friends but she declined.  They give her a hard time because she doesn’t have a social life or work like their daughters.
My background is I am 10 years older than my sister and have been sober for 10 years with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve step programs to deal with the particular issues that came up, plus counselling for child abuse.  I read a lot of books on recovery, and was working voluntarily in the drug and alcohol field for a little while, and did a short course for victims of domestic violence, my ex boyfriend is an recovering alcoholic, a known sex addict with a history of domestic violence against his former girlfriends/wife.
My sister is not doing any of what I did, and is struggling on a daily basis, and stressed to the max, and now her health is being compromised and that of her children.  But she won’t reach out for help, and relies on Mum, who is not well herself, or my other sister, who is not living amongst the day to day dilemas and can’t really relate either, as she still drinks, and has plenty of money.
Also my sister can’t manage her money, and asks Mum for money when she can’t pay her rent, which is quite often, to the point where Mum has taken out a reverse mortgage loan, and will end up with nothing.  
In April her lease on the unit expires, and she has applied for public housing, or she may move back into Mum's unit.
My sister is in a really bad situation.
I am really worried what her situation and mental health might be like in 12 months time, I can see things are going to get worse.
I really appreciate your comments.
Thank you
Cristelle
Brisbane

ANSWER: Hi Cristelle,

Having been retired as a Probation and Parole Officer I am quite familiar with your sister's situation. Your sister can be helped in the hands of a Nutritional Therapists, but if your sister is not motivated there is little we can do. It may well come to a point where your sister's children will have to be put in the hands of DOCS.

You sister can be helped if she is willing to take control and the responsibility of her own health. Her bouts of mood swings and drinking are due to ill-health, and particular a suspected hypoglycemia, which underlies most mood disorders and personality disorders. This can all be treated by nutritional means and counselling.

Because of your own experiences you are actually in the best position to help and advise your sister, but I doubt she will take your advice seriously. It is a pity that your sister is not computer-literate. Our web site is a self-help educational web site, dealing with emotional disorders from addiction, depression, violent behaviours and counselling.

I have a feeling that your sister can ONLY be helped by outside counselling with some minimum control over her behaviour.

I suggest you read some articles at our web site and pass on the knowledge to your sister, such as:

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm
Depression is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/depression_disorder.html
Depression: a Disease of Energy Production at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/depression_energy32.pdf
Conquering Anxiety, Depression and Fatigue Without Drugs - the Role of Hypoglycemia by Prof. Joel H. Levitt
http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/hypoglycemia.htm
Silent Diseases and Mood Disorders at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/silentdiseases.html

and ask for a referral to a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychotherapist, if self-help therapy fails.
Going on Hypoglycemic diet (look up at our web site) is the first step in treatment. Please search our web site for more information at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au and in particular via our INDEX.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist.
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Dr Plesman

Thank you for your recommendation.

Just checking, there is Dr Stukey http://www.drstuckey.com.au/ who is trained at the Pfeiffer clinic in the US, he is located on the Gold Coast.  My sister was recommended to go to him a few years ago by one of Mum's friends, but she didn't have the money.  At least this is the first step, and she may be open to go.  I remember reading one of Abram Hoffer's books where he wrote he wouldn't do any counselling until the client was on supplements for three months.

Its the counselling that she seems to baulk at, building trust and not wanting people finding out she's falling apart at the seems, while trying to hold it together.

I have printed all the information, and will give it to her.

Thanks again.
Cristelle

Answer
Hi Cristelle,

I can see you are doing the right thing. Yes i agree counselling is the least important, because the mind is affected by illness, and if the illness is not treated, than counselling cannot achieve anything, except make things worse.

She needs to go on the hypoglycemic diet. It may take some time to have any effect. Please read my article:

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm

She can also read my book "Getting off the Hook"

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist.
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman