Expert: Clyde - 1/30/2011

Question
my brother is an alcoholic.  my parents built a house for themselves to retire in, but have been letting him live in it and not pay the rent for several years.  i want them to make him start paying the rent, plus all the moeny he owes for past rent and if he doesn't, and won't seek treatment, make him move out.  he has 2 young children that he shares custody of and often drinks and drives with them in his vehicle.  My parents think i'm trying to get rid of my brother, that i hate him, and want to see him homeless.  i just want themn to see by not charging them rent they are feeding his addiction, how can i get them to realize this?

Answer
Tracy,
  Thank you for your questions.  It is a hard place to be in - this place where your mom and dad seem to be.  It sounds as if you and they have had some discussions about his not paying his way.  So that may make it easier to make a suggestion to them.
 
  You are quite right that allowing him a free ride does allow him to avoid adult responsibilities and that can and does fuel continued addictive behaviors.  But they will have to be the ones who face their own ignorance of the thing called alcoholism.  They must be willing to read some things about it and to get serious about trying to help him by making it known that they expect new behaviors - paying rent and being responsible for the children by not driving under the influence.  I might also suggest that they attend Alanon and there they can meet people who are facing the same dilemma with adult children. This would mean that they make a concerted effort to help him with some "tough love."

   Only if they make this commitment themselves can anything change. You can make these suggestions but it is up to them.
  
   I hope this may have helped and write again if I may be of any further help.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde