Expert: Clyde - 1/5/2011

Question
hi clyde, i really hope u can help me. 2 days ago, my boyfriend of almost  5yrs told me he was an alcoholic. i really dont know what to do, he is 22 and i am 21. last summer we broke up and were on/off for the year until we got back togethr properly this summer. during the yr he kept endin things for no reason and acting strange, and i knew he was going out 2 maybe 3 times a week but in ireland thats pretty common in people our age. we have never gone out drinking together,we never drink with meals (Im not a big drinker) and alcohol was not part of our relationship at all,his drinking started when we broke up. he had a lot of flings and in september he cheated on me (full sex) when we were together,when he was drunk.i couldnt believe it, it was so out of character. he came to my house after and was distressed but he passed out drunk beofre telling me what was wrong. he apologised and eventually i forgave him a month later. a few weeks later he came to my house after a night out and was drunker than i have ever seen someone, he literally could not stand. i was upser but assumed it was a once-off as i am never out with him! his confession came a few days ago, and he hasnt drank at all in the last 6 weeks or gone out,..i wondered about it but didnt question him. his mother is a recovered alcoholic who has been sober 16yrs and still attends meetings. his 25 yr old brother has been an alcoholic for 3yrs. i love my boyfriend to death,and bar the cheating he has always been so good to me, he is my best friend and we have so much fun, but i dont know what to do about his confession? how do i help? he seems resigned to the fact that he is an alcoholic and will always be. is this becausse of his mother? im scared of what could potentially happen. there are no big drinkers in my family. i would really appreciate your help clyde, i feel so lost and helpless. any advice at all would really be appreciated. many thanks

Answer
Danielle,
   Thank you for your questions.  I feel for you in your situation. I know you'd love to see things are going to be easily changed but that is not true.  It will be very difficult but if your boyfriend wants to get sober and live forever free of alcohol he will have a wonderful life and he will be a delight with whom to grow old.  He is the only one who can make this happen.

   Generally, many theories support the fact that alcoholism is genetically transmitted. If his mother was an alcoholic chances are he is also.  That is a key clue to this dilemma in which you find yourself.  

   Unless he addresses the question with absolute brutal honesty he will not be able to be the person you hope he will be.  Be prepared for more heartache and disappointment.

   I wish I could be more positive but alcoholism is serious business and unless arrested absolutely and completely, there isn't much hope.

   I hope this may have helped.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde