Expert: Leigh, BS, QMHP, QMRP - 11/4/2011

Question
Hi I feel very lost on what to do at the moment, my sister and I grew up in an drug affected family home with pills drugs and alcohol to make a long story short we are and have always been very close due to our age and this problem I guess.. My sister and i were always very strong people working hard full time jobs not doing drugs and only drinking occasionally with friends of a weekend   Our mother was murdered 3 years ago and ever since then my sister has drunk over loads of alcohol until she is absolutely wasted everyday. She is very abusive and does not ever help our family she has lost her job and has no motivation to fix her life, she always has an excuse for everything that makes it everyone's else fault her life is how it is... I live a very straight life with my now 3 children one being my little sister that we adopted when my mum passed and my husband work hard do not do drugs have good morals and try very hard to protect my children from living what I had to  as a child... And my sister makes that nearly impossible she has been to detox once the other time she asked to home detox at my house which in helped her do without any thank you or response from her except drinking again as soon as she got home.... I do not know what to do anymore when ever we try and bring it up she says she has cut down now and drinks later in the day so she has made that except able of cause, although I believe that it's not the quantity it's then fact she is completely dependent on it, she is ruining her life and says she feels unwell but will not do anything about it. When we try and say something she says it's our fault if we keep hassling her it will make her want to do it more we need to leave her alone to make the decision when she is ready, she says that her drinking does not affect anyone but her and can never see our side.... For me it is very hard to cope with I suffer severe anxiety and post traumatic stress from my childhood and having to deal with both my parents doing this so I moved away when I was old enough and now that both my parents have passed I am doing it again only with my sister. My stress affects my own family because I am cranky sad feel helpless but like I need to do something or she will just kill herself like my parents have. I had to call the police last night to remove her from my street as she was being very abusive and screaming and yelling out the front of my house after I asked her to leave from us having an argument about something that normal adults would have just discussed.... She woke my children and was being outrages screaming at me how dare I blame the alcohol ever one always blames her drinking that's not it it's something else is what she says.... I am not new to this situation and I'm sure the best advice you are going to give me is tough love leave her alone until she helps herself , but then I get scared she will hurt herself when she is alone she has not seen a councilor since our mum passed and refuses to because I guess she can't handle then telling her the truth... She throws it in my face that i still see someone years later but I need that support, like insaid I have 3 children major anxiety and no support as my sister is the only family I have left.... Please help thank you.......... C

Answer
Have you tried Al-anon. It's a support group group of for loved ones that have alcoholics in their lives. It's a great support group. It will give you support and help you  stop enabling her.She must face consequences before she will change. Everything she is saying and doing is typical addict/alcoholic behavior. You must set boundaries; like don't call when you're drunk. Do not put up with her stuff. Make sure you take care of you and get the support you need. You can goggle Al-anon in your area to find local meetings., You will relate to everyone in the rooms.