Expert: Druideck - 3/9/2011

Question
Hi there,
My wife start heavily drinking in 2006 and since then our life went from wonderful to unbearable. We were living together for the last 20 years. We have 9 years old son, who grow up in my hand, as he was only 5, when all this started.

In the beginning my wife (now ex wife) was blaming me for every things and she went living with others and got in many legal issues. At the result after long battle of custody we legally separated in August last year.

Just few weeks ago she started calling and asking to come back as per her statement, she want to be with our son After long discussion and promises I did allow her to come subject to not drinking at home and taking treatment. She started going to program at credit valley hospital once week, however as I am at work and our son goes to full time daycare and school she does drink and making our life uncomfortable.

What should I do, should I just go get the restraining order or what.. I really don't know I called the police one time they remove her and she was calling again the next day bagging to come back.. Please help.

Answer

Hi Todd,

It may help to know that when a person is addicted
to alcohol as it sounds your ex is they cannot stop
drinking using their will power alone.
Any promises she made about not drinking would be
invalid due this circumstance.

On the other hand recovery is her responsibility.
She must abstain from alcohol and get help
from treatment and Alcoholics Anonymous.
Without this contiuous healing she will keep
drinking eventually.

Alcohol affects every aspect of an alcoholic.
They must recover mentally, emotionally and
spiritually. Also there physical health may be
poor.

Only a long term program like AA can address
the ups and downs of abstaining from drink.

If she is resisting treatment or in denial
then there is little you can do other
then intervention with a professional
counsellor.

Take care of yourself as best you can.
Do what you can or what you feel you have
to do.

The only thing that will help her now
is to demand she get help and that she sticks
with that program or the consequence
is that she leaves. Alcoholism is very powerful
so stick to your decision as needed.

Good luck to you all,
Druideck
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