Addiction to Alcohol/my husband drinks

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Expert: - 4/25/2011


Question
My husband and I have been married for 23 yrs. He has always been a drinker, but I believe he has become an alcoholic.  He is a wonderful man, a good provider and I love him. I hate what he becomes when he is drinking. Staggering, sick, falling down, can't remember things we have talked about. He hides his liquor or beer, he thinks I wont know he has been drinking, but I can take one look at him and I know. Then he lies about it. His family doesn't know or they pretend not to know. Our daughter is grown and has her own family. I have no one to talk to. I don't want to leave him.
He has admitted that he has a problem,  but he wont get help. I don't know what to do.  I feel like I am in a black hole with no way out. What. Can I do?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Mary,

One thing for sure, your husband has a drinking problem, but unfortunately only he can do something about it. No one can stop an alcoholic from drinking.

Try not to enable him in any way. Be open about the problem, and don't fear embarrassing him.  His problem is also yours, and the more people who are aware of the problem, the more pressure he has to get help. Don't protect him. ex. if he can't go to work due to drinking, he's the one who should call in sick. When you enable an alcoholic, you prevent him from suffering the consequences of their behavior, which prolongs the problem.

Here is some information on this: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html

Go to Al-Anon meetings. The members will not only provide you with understanding, but they'll provide a support in particularly difficult times. If he won't get help or change, you need to get help for yourself.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

All the best to you

Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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