Expert: Beverley Glazer - 6/6/2011

Question
My husband can go for many months without drinking at all, but then all of a sudden he will start again.  He drinks whisky and since our son was born two years ago he does not drink at home or even at a bar.  He drinks in his car on his way home.  He has just gotten his 2nd dui in six years.  His drinking has progressed throughout our 10 year marriage.  He will come home and within 2 minutes I can tell he's been drinking, but he lies about it and thinks he can hide it.  He has shown up at church buzzed and at friends' houses and dinner engagemets clearly under the influence and convinced no one can tell.  I love him but I am at a loss.  Is he a true alcoholic?  I ask b/c he can go so long without drinking.  A year or so ago he started going to AA meetings...till he started drinking on the way home.  I am so scared each time he leaves the house that he won't make it home.  My husband is not abusive.  He is a christian and he is a stay at home dad during the day and works some evenings.  He is a wonderful dad to our son.  I do not understand why he drinks in his car alone while on the road.  He will do it often for a month or so and then go months without drinking at all.  How do I help him?  He just started attending celebrate recovery meetings but I feel maybe he needs individual counseling??  I know he is not happy in his career and his mother has advanced MS and is about to be wheel chair bound so I know things are tough for him now, but I am so tired of being lied to about drinking I just don't know how to be here for him or help him. I am desperate to repair our marriage and keep our family together.  this is what he says he wants as well.  Suggestions? Advice?
TN

Answer
Hi TN

It sounds like your husband is a binge drinker. Binge drinkers can go for weeks or months without drinking, but then when the pressure mounts, they drink and can't stop. Here is more information on that: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/binge-drinking-facts.html

One of the problems with a binge drinker is that because their drinking is not consistent, they have more difficulty believing that they have a problem. This keeps them longer in denial.

Your husband knows that he shouldn't be drinking, so that is the reason he lies about it. He also doesn't want to let anyone know, so he's hiding it and drinking in his car on the way home, which is particularly risky. When he does this, he's not thinking of the consequences. In fact, if he thinks anything, it would be that he'll only have a sip and won't get drunk.

You nailed it when you mentioned that he needs counseling. Support groups can help with his addictive behavior, but individual counseling will focus on his issues -- the root causes. Suggest that he seeks counseling for his personal issues. If he is reluctant to go, discuss this with your minister. The clergy is trained in pastoral counseling, he knows your husband and it would also be confidential. This can be particularly helpful for both of you.

I hope this information is helpful.
Thank you for asking AllExperts

All the best to you

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com