Expert: Druideck - 8/31/2011

Question
Hi I am a 30yr old woman, married 3yrs to my husband, who is an alcoholic.He has been to AA - then decided he was cured!!!Went back drinking and low and behold it got out of hand again.
He is currently on day 4 of a bender!!
I have to admit that I am to blame aswell, I thought he could do it on his own, truth be told I did not want to give up my social life and deal with his black mood. Anyhow, he has a drink problem and I want to start a family, not exactly a perfect match??
My question to you - do you think I am mad to consider starting a family in this sort of environment. Should I get out now and start again? I do love him, but he is actually destroying my life and I have so much anger for him.
Sorry about the rambling email. Hope this makes sense. Would really appreciate your help.

Answer
Hi Carol,

It is always every good woman's wish that
their man will wake up one day and
stop his drinking so life can resume
in a better direction.

Alcohol is an addiction and this
means he has an addictive illness
which does not get better without
a recovery plan. Alcohol is
very crafty as you have witnessed.
Many people start to recover and stop
drinking for awhile but fail to
stay long enough around AA to develop
a program of recovery for themselves.

What this means is he will always revert
to his alcoholic thinking patterns
unless he sticks with AA until he
has some solid months of recovery
and has recovered sufficiently to
avoid a relapse.

There can be no excuses as alcohol will
always win out without a decision to
do whatever it takes to stop.

I would not bring children into this
environment at present. They will
only learn how to drink or
develop other problems related to his illness.

Your anger and your desire to scold
him will likely get worse as well
unless he keeps trying.
You may need help to avoid excessive involvement
in his problem.

Alcoholism is a deadly problem.
It always ends in either death, insanity
or jail for most people.

You cannot fix this problem, he needs to
start getting help again and then their
is no shame in relapse.

The only shame is when someone gives up
just because they failed. To recover
it takes willingness, no excuses at all
and a dedication to actually participate in
the AA suggested recovery methods.

Too many guys quit AA and then die of drink
when they may have succeeded and had
the family and love most desire.

Encourage him to try again as early death
is not much of an alternative to AA meetings.

Good luck,
take care,
Druideck.
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