Expert: Druideck - 9/15/2011

Question
On Aug. 17 I posted a question to you concerning my adult son. Your answer helped me not feel as guilty when I had to plan and attend his funeral last week. We had him committed to a mental hospital, the councelor decided he didn't need to call the judge that signed a 90 day court ordered stay. Our son was released after less than a week. We, nor the courts were contacted. We heard that he was seen buying alcohol. He finally went to a friend and ask him to take him back to the hospital as he had passed out trying to hang himself. His friend told the hospital that he had tried to hang himself. We had requested a suicide watch both times that he was taken to the hospital. The judge ordered one. He was found early the next morning, he had hung himself. As you know this has just devistated his family.

Answer
Hi Judy,

I do not know any words that can soften your loss.
It is important to allow your feelings to be
whatever they are. It is normal to feel
anger and regret at this time without allowing
it to become guilt or self hatred.

We cannot control others no matter how much we try.
There is only so much we can do and then if the
illness is strong it will take the person.

The odds for recovery from alcoholism are low,
many people get so ill they never recover.
Some recover briefly and then go back to it.
It is a very powerful sickness of the mind and body.

We all have a limited time on this planet so we
have to reconcile with death. It is a normal
transition for us at some point.
We can soften our fears of death by learning
to accept it and create a space in our minds
for it. We can let it be and trust that
when our time comes it may not be our will
but may be the will of a greater power.

As humans we have to respect the greater forces
at work in this universe. We do not always know
the reasons for what happens.

If you can make peace with your son's passing
it will soften the blow. This can take months
of grieving which is okay. It is normal
to feel the loss and also our powerlessness.

Some things we cannot change but we can learn
to accept and use our experience to help others
like ourself.

I wish you peace at this difficult time.

Druideck.
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