Expert: Amarnath.B - 1/17/2012

Question
I married on 12th Feb 2012.it was an arranged marriage. Since i belong to defence background , my husband has also served in the indian army for 5 years short service and is an ex army captain. we had a 52 day courtship period before marriage . tough we met everyday but i could not relate him to be an alcoholic.
From the day that i married him , he has been drinking everyday and that also heavily. he said that he has been doing so for the last 10 years and he would not want any interference. he was working for a bank and resigned on his own without having another job. he was at home for 7 months jobless and was drinking and smoking everyday. he drinks atleast 4 beers and 4 large whisky everyday and smokes like a chimney... he blames me for everything ... he thinks that i have ruined his life and he is drinking more because i cannot keep him happy .. he calls me a home breaker ... when he is drunk he gets all emotional and calls me names... he gets very aggressive and break things in the house , he broken all the window glasses , the mirrors , the electrical blower , the water dispenser etc...
he has been abusing me mentally , physically and emotionally .. he calls up my parents and complains about me every now and then ...
He is not willing to understand that he needs help and it is the alcohol which is taking control of him ... thank God I have no children ...
Please help and guide me as to how to make this marriage work

Answer
Dear Ms Neha,

Thank you for your question.

By the description of your husband's drinking pattern, he sure is an Alcoholic. Alcohol abuse is a pattern of drinking resulting in health consequences and social decline. Alcoholism, on the other hand, is an addiction that results from repeated alcohol abuse. Alcoholism is a disease that cannot be cured but can only be arrested by abstaining from alcohol. Alcoholism is a disease characterized by a desire for alcohol and by the continuation of drinking even when there are alcohol-related occupational, legal, health, and family problems. Alcohol abuse can progress to alcoholism. Alcoholism is a condition in which a person becomes physically dependent on the effects of alcohol and drinks to avoid withdrawal symptoms.

There is no cure for this disease.  I suggest you admit your husband to a rehabilitation center for atleast 3 months. Then he should be introduced to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). AA is a fellowship of men and women through which millions of alcoholics are leading an alcohol-free happy life.  For your own good you should join Al-Anon, an off shoot of AA where family and friends of alcoholics meet.  You have become a co-dependent and you also need help.  Contact a psychiatrist for the nearest rehabilitation center.  Then look for the nearest AA group and ask one of its members to come and meet your husband and talk to him about the disease aspect.  If you tell me which city you come from, may be I can help you with phone numbers and addresses of AA in your city.

Do not hesitate to contact me for any further help.


God bless you and your husband in his recovery,



B. Amarnath