Addiction to Alcohol/alcoholic bf question

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Question
hello and thank you for taking the time to read my question.  I am 36 yo male with an 26 yo bf.  i feel like his drinking has gotten to the point of ridiciliousness.  evey day after he is off work he generally blows thru a six pack of beer, now also keep in mind he is 5ft10 and about 120:pounds.  on occassions he has drank close to a whole 18 pack by himself in less than 6 hours.  When he is with friends he cracks drinks open like they are water.  You can clearly tell his is inebriated and he is just like "im fine"  everyone else can see he is getting plowed but he seems to always make excuses that he is fine or that hes not bothering anyone.  He tries to blame his drinking on me however he has always been a drinker long before he met me.  Sometimes after he has been severely inebriated and will try and place his hands on me in a confrontational way and has found himself not enjoying the end results.  The next day he will be hungover sayingnhe knows he needs to cut back but he never does.  when he gets drunk he gets very how should i say "slutty" and wants men to come over so he can bottom for them or he will ask me if he can be pimped out.  i almost never agree to this when he asks because i feel like it woukd be taking advantage of someone not in their right frame of mind.  he also is addicted to pornography websites whe  ive seen the history on his phone its just full of smut.  so i have some serious concerns as it seems he does t have any priorities or self esteem so he feels that he has to compensate by drinking or being a ho.Ive tried to make himrealize that he should have dignity and respect for himself but its always an excuse or not taking responsibility.  the drinking is at least 5-6 regular beers or 2-3 tall cans (equilavent 1 tall can 2.5 beers) daily  its very hard to get him to drink something else most times  what should i do or can i do to get him to realize that because hes not shaking and drinking hard liquor that theres different types of alcoholics an that his drinking us way ouf of control  thank you

Answer
You can talk to someone until you are blue in the face but unless they are ready to hear it, you are speaking to deaf ears. It sound like he is not ready to change or even begin to look at his drinking. I don't know that there is anything other than make him suffer the consequences of his behavior that you can do. One must have a tiny bit of willingness to change and it sounds like he is not there. it also sounds like he has an addiction to porn. When he should be focusing his attention on you. I would enforce every consequence he deserves for his actions. No one will stop using or drinking if they never get in trouble for it or face any consequences of their actions. Sometimes people shelter and make excuses for the alcoholic because they are embarrassed and ashamed of their actions. There are some gay friendly AA meetings. I don't know if he would even be willing to go. You can goggle AA in your city and state and should find meetings. If you are in this relationship for the long haul I suggest you go to Al-Anon and learn how to live with an alcoholic. You can find those meetings the same way you find AA. If you are not interested in a long-term relationship kick him to the curb because it seems he has little respect for you, by wanting to pimp you out especially. But you can't control people, places, things or situations. You cannot change anyone, only yourself. So you can't force him to stop. He must have some willingness to do so. I'm sorry I wish I could give you the magic solution to make someone stop using or drinking but it is 100% up to the addict or alcoholic to put down and never pick up. If I had the answers I would be a billionaire over and over.  He also needs a sex addict therapist for his addiction to porn. http://www.pcsearle.com/ Psychological Counseling Services in Scottsdale has a wonderful outpatient program for addicts. If you are not near them call them and ask for a referral for a location near you. maybe they can help with that. Good Luck. Let me know if you have more questions. I apologize again for not having a magic solution for you. But it has to be up to him for sobriety to last long-term and be affective.

Addiction to Alcohol

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Leigh, BS, QMHP, QMRP

Expertise

I can answer questions about alcoholism, 12-step programs and general inpatient and outpatiennt treatment programs. I can answer questions about living life as an alcoholic, sobriety, different types of recovery, treatment, relapse and help for loved ones of alcoholics. I have extensive treatment and 12 step experience. I have been a substance abuse counselor as well. I have drank champagne with the rich and famous and lived in homes with no running water or electricty. I have experienced a lot both in and out of recovery. I am a social worker who has worked with people with mental illness, alcoholism, addiction, and sex addiction issues. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict and have been homless due to my addiction and worked hard to regain my integrity. I am a social worker that works with individuals in the criminal justice system with mental illness and/or addictions.

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I have lived the life of addiction and the life of recovery. I have attended many 12-step meetings. I have been a substance abuse counselor. I am NOT a doctor. If you want personal experience with any of the above then ask me! I have spent countless months in treatments centers and years in AA.

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NAMI CHADD Trainings and seminars on alcoholism and addiction MHA

Publications
Forsyth Families bp

Education/Credentials
BS: Sociology and Criminal Justice, MS: working towards in Professional Counseling

Past/Present Clients
Poly substance abusers. Mental illness with substance abuse

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