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Addiction to Alcohol/my boyfriend is an alcoholic :(


Dont really know where to start, im 22 my boyfriend's 25..
We met when he just got out of rehab for alcoholism and it was a serious relationship straight away, we fell inlove...i was always terrified about him drinking because he has tried to kill himself because of it before so i disagreed with it obviously but i never gave out to him or anything when he drank... He fell off the wagon twice while we were together and we broke up last month and we've started seeing eachother again now.
He has starting drinking again though, But iv decided not to allow myself to be worried or upset by him drinking because i get very low in myself when i do worry and he should be able to make the decision himself!!
He's been through alot in his life but i think he just uses alcohol as an excuse to not deal with these things..
Im feeling very lost at the moment and i dont know what to do!
i love him so much, i need to be with him, but he keeps pushing me away...he rings me at all hours in the morning when he's pissed drunk and tells me he loves me and needs me and he's miserable without me but im starting to feel he only does it as a "booty call"....iv gone down to him at 5 in the morning before on numerous occasions...i know you'll probably say im only young and to think about the rough road ill have ahead if i stay with him, but im willing to have a life with him i know what is involved ..i love him id do anything for him!!!
i just want to be there for him, i see a life with him!! :(
Advice would be appreciated :(

Hi Vicky,

As you probably know relationships can be difficult. When two
people are emotionally stable and grounded in their life it
becomes much easier to deal with the ups and downs of normal
living. If one or both people in the relationship have emotional
problems it gets much harder.

In the illness of alcoholism there are many obstacles to overcome.
It often takes a major life change to effect a lasting recovery.
This can often mean that if and when a man gets sober
he may become quite a different person than the one you know now.

This is necessary as who he is now is not able to stay sober for any
great length of time. Alcoholism is a progressive illness and without
abstinence and treatment programs it is unlikely he will stay sober.
It is also a deadly illness and many die from a variety of things
before they stop denial and surrender to getting help.

In all this you have the desire to build a normal love relationship
which is everyone's dream. The problem is that he is the only
one that can make a decision to give up all excuses and do what
will arrest his illness. Over this you have no power.

This is an addictive illness that will power cannot conquer.
Love is not enough to cure it and his promises may be genuine when
he makes them but since he is addicted he cannot keep his
promises of sobriety.

I know personally of your dilemma as I was also in love
and could not stop drinking. I tried but could not stop.
I wanted to stop to keep my wife but it was not possible.
The double-edge of this sword was when she left
me I hit bottom hard enough to seek help and give
up excuses. I had to stop drinking or I would die.
She came back a few months later and said
she did not recognize me, I was a different person
than the one fueled by alcohol.
She left again for the final time.
I could not go back to drinking just to be the person
I once was, I would die so I stayed sober.

I now see that everything happened for a reason
and my sobriety came at a high price but I would
not trade it away for anything or anyone.

IF you decide to stay then you must accept that no one
knows what the future holds.
We cannot guarantee the outcome of any relationships.
You must try to live in the present moment and get
whatever satisfaction you can find there.

It is not good for you or him to allow any abuse of your
company. If he wants you around then expect good treatment
and leave if that changes. Your greatest responsibility is to
yourself.  If he wants to play games then you must
decide how far you are willing to go.
It is easy to say you will not get angry but in reality
anger grows if you do not care for yourself.
That is your priority, to live your own life in freedom as he lives his
as he will choose. Love is the space between two lives.


Addiction to Alcohol

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All questions are important, I have over 30 years of personal experience with alcoholism and recovery issues. Advanced Counsellor Training / Experience with treatment and AA.


Over 30 years of recovery from alcoholism. Counsellor in an alcohol outpatient office. Experience as client and as counsellor in treatment center.

Advanced counsellor certificate, Melbourne ORYGEN Research Centre volunteer consultant

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