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Addiction to Alcohol/leaving boyfriend/sons dad


One year ago I made a drastic move with my son to be with his biological father after 9 years of seperation.  My son will be 10 soon!  His dad(the alcoholic) said he would change and do whatever it takes to be with us.  I love him as much as the day I fell for him but his alcoholism is unsafe and unhealthy for all of us.  I have decided to move back to where my son and I have lived for 8 1/2 years which would be thousands of miles and an ocean apart from his father. Im afraid to tell him that this decision is final.  We will be leaving after christmas.  How do I cautiously approach this to a ticking time bomb?   He is angered easily and I'm afraid he will emotionally torture our son and guilt him into staying.  I have threatened leaving him several times this past year but somehow he is able to suck me back in and give him another chance.  However, this time is for real.  I have the plane tickets and must go.  I am hoping that this will be his opportunity for sobriety and I do know sobriety is his choice and I cant help him anymore.  He has failed at rehab in the past.  His entire family and I were hopefull that bringng his son in his life would change his alcoholic ways, but i believe it has only gotten worse.  Please help me stay focused and if you could give me some insight on how to approach him carefully given the sensitivity of the situation.  Thank you Clyde.

   Thank you for your questions and explaining your situation.  I understand that you went back into the relationship for a good reason - letting a son have a relationship with his father and vice versa.  Unfortunately, as happens so many times, the alcoholic is not capable of making the changes in their lives to welcome relationships back into their lives.
   Since you have made plans and purchased tickets, I would suggest that you go about life as if nothing were up and when the time is right make the break without telling him ahead of time.  I do not know that it would do any good and may even cause more trouble than just leaving.  
   Be cautious and watch for signs of violence. You need to be realistic and protect yourselves in case anything happens before you leave.  When you are back in your new home, I would also suggest that you seek out the local police and let them know what your situation is.  That way they will be able to intervene should the need arise and they will have background information on him.
   I applaud your attempt to rebuild the relationship.  That was incredible.  But you do not owe him anything since you received little in return for your loving gesture.
   Then you can consider the next right steps.
   I will hold you and your son in my prayers for your safe return to the safety of your new place to live.
Grace and peace,

Addiction to Alcohol

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I can answer questions on the recovery from alcohol addiction as I am a recovering alcoholic with 22 years of sobriety. I can also address the spiritual aspects of the 12-Step program as I have a Master of Divinity degree; serve as a pastor in the Quaker church; and, serve as a hospice chaplain. I have also served as a prison chaplain for one year and currently volunteer as a mentor once a week, working with two inmates one-on-one as they work towards reentry into society as free persons.


I am a recovering alcoholic with 22 years of continuous sobriety.

Master of Divinity awarded in 2000 from Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary

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