Addiction to Alcohol/last note


QUESTION: Dear Clyde,

I am curious, do you think the best option for me at this point is to practice detachment, acceptance and to pray for the best possible outcome.  I am truly at a crossroads.  I have determined that I can not put anymore energy into this divorce since it does not line up with my truth and beliefs.

I know I can not expect the outcome that I desire, though want to put myself in the best possible position that reconciliation and/or the best possible outcome can occur.

ANSWER: Laura,
   In my two divorces I had to come to the place where I realized the other person went a way in life that carried them far from me.  I would either die of the loss or get to moving down the path God had planned for me.  I have discovered the road without those two relationships, although still something I think about) has taken me places I never could have imagined.  I can also say that I am happy, have been happy for a long time, and not an ounce of energy is expended on expectations others.  Lastly, think about this - if the relationship is meant to be, maybe it needs to die in the form it is in now - God works marvelous miracles of resurrection.  Are my two relationships never to be again? I think I will go along my way and see if the paths touch again for whatever God would need to happen in that instance.
Grace and peace,

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: This all makes perfect sense.  I am beginning to see that I have been my own worst enemy wading through the mud of this situation.  So then, even though I see my mistakes of reaction and impulsiveness and obscession, I have stayed in the problem.  By making the decision to move down the path God has for me, I will be taking a road to happiness.  
Is there value in going through this?  I say yes, though I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  The value for me is realizing that my biggest regret in the past was not being present for that time.  That time is gone now.  If I look ahead or look behind, I can not be fully present to practice being who I am.
Now then, in this process will I find God's path for me?  What I thought it was, is no longer.  I'm too young to retire.  I am 53 and quite healthy.
So, how do I go about finding what God's path is for me?  I know to be present, prayer and meditation and keeping up my meetings.  Truthfully, these lessons have become habit.  Now I am wanting to engage in life again and become who I am.  
How do I know God's plan?

  You've probably been doing the right thing all along - the answer is in the 11th step - "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."
   The time you have spent in the problem could just be the Will of God helping you to find the answer to let this thing go.  We sometimes have to suffer (more often than not) in order to learn what God intends.  Your "ah-ha" moment right now after addressing this with someone who understands and has "experience, strength, and hope" is the end of the darkness (maybe) and the beginning of a new life (maybe).  You reached a place of "surrender" and God provided (maybe).
   There are no answers to search for - only questions to ask.  When we continue to do that, in faith that someone else (God) is in charge, we will find many exciting things happening.  We can not describe those as they work their way out, we only sense the moment that something different has occurred.
   The wonderfully numinous thing about all this is - maybe!
Grace and peace

Addiction to Alcohol

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I can answer questions on the recovery from alcohol addiction as I am a recovering alcoholic with 24 years of sobriety. I can also address the spiritual aspects of the 12-Step program as I have a Master of Divinity degree; serve as a pastor in the Quaker church; and, serve as a hospice chaplain. I have also served as a prison chaplain for one year and currently volunteer as a mentor once a week, working with two inmates one-on-one as they work towards reentry into society as free persons.


I am a recovering alcoholic with 24 years of continuous sobriety.

Master of Divinity awarded in 2000 from Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary

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