Expert: Beverley Glazer - 2/4/2012

Question
Beverley
My story in a short version is this, my fiance and I have been together for a little over 7 months and during that time she has gone to 2 unsuccessful rehab attempts and 1 where she is currently in doing wonderful.  One week ago out of the blue I get a phone call her counselor has suggested she not speak with me for the duration of her stay which is roughly 3 weeks left. I don't understand this I have done nothing wrong other than pay for all of this therapy well over $20k, support her unconditionally when healthy, currently in a week long seminar on addict behavior, what to expect when they come home and co dependency. I have not seen here for almost 60 days though I have written letters, sent cards, flowers and I get nothing in return.
Question is this normal? Have I done something wrong because my anxiety is through the roof. I am almost at a point to throw in the towel but reason why I have not is because I believe in her and i truly love her with all of my heart.

Answer
Hi Tom,

To answer your question -- Yes, this is normal.

While your fiance is in treatment, it has been determined that the two of you are in a codependent relationship. This is not healthy for either of you, but particularly unhealthy for her because she will relapse again. Here is more info on that: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/codependency_relationship.html

Your fiance has to learn to be independent and work on her sobriety. Until she becomes emotionally stronger, she is not ready for a relationship. She has to take care of herself, but you have to do this as well.

Somewhere down the road, you may rekindle your love, but at this time, this relationship is unhealthy for both of you.

Thank you for asking AllExperts

Regards

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com