Addiction to Alcohol/Alcohol
Hello, 7 years ago I met a man who met fun and exciting to be around. We liked each other right away and became serious. I knew he had a drinking problem, my father was an alcoholic, but our relationship struggled on. He was very happy and wanted to marry and build a life. I struggled with his drinking and told him so and I would not marry him. He often did things he did not remember later. 3 years ago we fought and we ended the relationship. Weeks later he told me he had met someone else and was involved with her. I was very upset as I seemed to be strangely connected to him. He kept in contact, driving my truck, coming to my house when I was gone ect. He told me soon after his "girlfriend " story was made up, she was there , just not involved the him, and he wanted to work on us. Being away from me his drinking was worse than ever. Through this all he proclaimed he loved me dearly and wanted only me. A few weeks later we were to go out and he stood me up , calling the next day to explain he had to go out of town. @ weeks after that I discovered he left town to marry this "girlfriend". They both told me they were not involved prior to this that they had just been working together and she did not know we were still talking. She said she fell in loved and told him she wanted to marry him and he agreed. This person is a professional in the community. He did not tell me saying it was a mistake and he wanted out and hoped to leave her before I found out. I was devastated. About 6 weeks later he did leave her but they are not divorced and when he is very drunk he calls her repeatedly. But says he does not remember and did not want to talk to her. She wants to stay married he sys he wants out they have signed papers but not filed due to money "issues". What do you make of this? Why would he marry a woman he hardly knew and had not even dated? And why would he still be involved with her when he proclaims when sober to want only me? We are separated again but he still wants to be involved and always says he wants her out of his life and he loves me more than life itself. I know I am crazy to still be involved with him and am working on moving on without him . I would like to understand why he did this and continues to call her if only rarely.
Sorry this is so long, I hope you can help me understand, D
The reason your boyfriend keeps going back to his wife is that he's codependent. Alcoholics are often in codependent relationships, but children of an alcoholics (ACOA) are often codependent as well.
You know that this relationship is dysfunctional and break up with him, but then return to the same
situation, expecting things to be different, but it isn't. This is extremely hurtful, diminishes your self-esteem and prevents you from moving on.
It's important to take care of yourself and not put so much emotional energy into him, as well as the relationship. If there are CODA (Codependency Anonymous) groups in your area I suggest that you join one. Al-ANON can also be beneficial. If groups are not for you, private counseling with someone familiar with these issues, will also help you move on.
I hope this information is helpful.
Thank you for asking AllExperts
All the best,