Addiction to Alcohol/help me understand


hi I'm a recovering drug addict been sober 7yrs. I'm in a lesbian partnership with a wonderful womanfor almost 4yrs. my partner just quit drinking about 4 months ago and she went to the dr due to some depression and she quit drinking cold turkey at home. She was told by the dr that she is in the dry drunk phase. she has no sex drive she hardly kisses me and she don't want to talk about sex and she hasn't made love to me in 4 months. we never made love when she was drunk so I'm lost on this whole thing. I took her to 1 aa meeting but she hasn't gone back . my heart is hurting to be loved by her and idk what to do . can you help me understand whats going on? her dr took blood . he said her  hormones are normal. I'm at a loss. recommend reading for me or help? ty angie

Hi Angie,

Well, your partner's quitting drinking is a start toward having a normal and healthy relationship.  Keep in mind that depression, or other mental health conditions, can be masked by alcohol/drugs, or even caused or exacerbated by them.  In other words, your partner is in the midst of a period where her mental health will be eventually more clearly evaluated.  

I wouldn't expect much from her in terms of any increase in libido, which you may feel should happen with her gaining sobriety.  She has to understand what she's feeling; it's a confused world for someone in recovery.  She will perhaps eventually love you more, or perhaps grow more distant.  With abstinence, she's allowing emotions back in to her world.  We don't know where that will take her, but with a history of depression, she should seek out professional assistance.  You didn't say if she's being treated specifically for depression.

About AA: some people just don't like the program.  It sometimes doesn't fit the way people see themselves or recovery.  

You'll have to give this time, Angie.  I usually don't expect psychological or emotional clarity to emerge from my clients for at least a year.  Substances are toxic and damaging to the mind, as well as the body.  


Addiction to Alcohol

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Peter L.


Any questions regarding addictive behavior, withdrawal symptoms, selecting treatment options, relapse prevention, defining abuse vs. dependence, self-help groups, denial and resistance, building motivation, physical health effects of alcohol, substitution of other addictive substances; holistic approaches to addiction recovery.


I have been a counselor, educator, and supervisor in the addiction field for 28 years. I hold alcohol and drug counselor certification and licenses in three states. I have experience with adolescents and adults, ranging from those who are experimental/casual users of alcohol to those with very progressed addictive disorders.

Masters Degree - Behavioral Science CADAC, LADC, LADC1

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