Addiction to Alcohol/alcoholic boyfriend


Hi, I have been dating a man for about 2 years (we are both in our early 40's) and at first he seemed so kind and we had a lot of fun together. I started to notice that he drank some amount of alcohol every night. I hardly ever drink, so at first it was hard for me to judge what was too much. We lived together for about 2 months and that is when I noticed that he would drink so much at night that he would be drunk and one night he actually fell over on the floor and another night he lost control of his bowels. When I asked him about it, he would get angry and defensive. He didn't have a car so when I drove him somewhere he had to stop at a package store at least once or twice a week. Another night I believe he was not asleep, but passed out. I had enough and he moved out and went into a sober house for a month. I don't think he ever thought he was an actual alcoholic and blamed me for having to move out. He got his own apartment and things were better for awhile but I noticed he started to drink excessively again and never wants to do anything or go anywhere. I tried to talk to him about it but all I got was more anger and he would blame me by saying things like, "well you never come up with any ideas of things to do." He says I keep pointing the finger at him and I am just trying to understand his behavior. If I leave him alone then he says I do not "engage or initiate in the relationship" and if I ask him to do something, he says he is ill. I can't win here. I stopped by his apartment around 4 p.m. a few weeks ago and he was just getting up. His eyes were red and he looked hungover. He basically told me to leave, said he was ill and didn't feel like talking. So I left. I finally ended it with a nice e-mail saying "I think" he has issues with alcohol and I hope he gets help, but I can't have a relationship with him if he continues to drink. He replied a week later with a nasty e-mail telling me that I don't know how to get close to people..which isn't true. Am I crazy here? Is it the alcohol talking..he seemed so great and nice..and the men at the sober house really liked him. Did I do the right thing and how do I recover from this? I feel like I have been crying for weeks. Thank you for your time.

Hi Heather,

You are certainly not the only one with this kind of problem. I have answered a similar question at:

If you have any further questions pleas don't hesitate to contact me.

Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist.
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman

Addiction to Alcohol

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Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist


I have a degree in Psychology from the Sydney University and a Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Nutrition. I am also the author of “GETTING OFF THE HOOK” which deals with the nutritional and psychological treatment of personality disorders. It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search. I am interested in the relationship between nutrition and behaviour, and as a Probation ans Parole Officer facilitated groups for offenders, many of whom were alcoholics and drug addicts, sex offenders or compulsive gamblers, as well as the whole gamut of “personality disorders”. I am also the ex-editor of the Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia Newsletter, a quarterly publication dealing with hypoglycemia and related health problems. Its web site, together with a shortened course of PSYCHOTHERAPY can be visited at:


Nutritional Psychotherapy and psychotherapy

The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia

Book: "Getting Off the Hook"freely available on the internet at Google Book Search.
Editor: Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia My articles can be found at:

BA(Psych), Sydney University, Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr (International Academy of Nutrition)

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