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Addiction to Alcohol/Alcoholic/Chemical dependent Boyfriend



My boyfriend of 5 years is an Alcoholic and uses prescription medications and sleep aids at times with his drinking.  My situation is that he has been living with me on & off for a year and the verbal abuse has escalated out-of-control as well as black-outs that have caused him accidents.  I don't want him in my house out of fear of what he can do to me or my son in this condition, so now he had moved to his mothers.  The problem is now he hates me because I followed his cue and helped him move to his mother's like he asked and wants me to ask him to come back.  I'm worried about him and love him, but he has said we can't be together if he's not living with me.  

What am I doing wrong??

Hi Gina,

You've done nothing wrong.  You sound like a very nice, caring individual, and want to see the best for your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend just isn't in a good place emotionally, and with his addiction, to be a good relationship partner.  His alcohol problems are making him into someone very difficult to relate to.  He needs treatment for this, not for you to change.  

People with substance use issues have very distorted thinking, and can't see matters clearly.  He is struggling, for sure, and part of that struggle is the stress that comes from the lifestyle addicts and alcoholics lead.  It's a life filled with anger, resentment, denial, and demands of others -- many, many demands of others.  

He will not be able to see his relationship with you clearly.  You should remember he is not abusive to you because you have failed or are a bad person.  He would act this way to anyone, and likely will.

Encourage him to get help, or see if you can enlist family members or friends to try to convince him that he needs to do this.  If he doesn't get help, he will undoubtedly get worse and your life will be ever more difficult.  These situations lead easily to crises, and you can be hurt in these conflicts.

Please protect yourself if he gets physically violent, and either temporarily find another place to live, or refrain from having him live with you right now.  Remember, you've done nothing wrong.

Take care,

Addiction to Alcohol

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Peter L.


Any questions regarding addictive behavior, withdrawal symptoms, selecting treatment options, relapse prevention, defining abuse vs. dependence, self-help groups, denial and resistance, building motivation, physical health effects of alcohol, substitution of other addictive substances; holistic approaches to addiction recovery.


I have been a counselor, educator, and supervisor in the addiction field for 28 years. I hold alcohol and drug counselor certification and licenses in three states. I have experience with adolescents and adults, ranging from those who are experimental/casual users of alcohol to those with very progressed addictive disorders.

Masters Degree - Behavioral Science CADAC, LADC, LADC1

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