Addiction to Alcohol/Alcoholic?

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Question
I've been married to my husband for 6 years. Point blank, my husband does alcohol enemas to get drunk. He's been doing it ever since we've been together (which is a total of 8 years). He said that he only does it once in a while and I had tried it a couple of times but it scared me and I have not done it since.....but I'm concerned. More than concerned. He's getting drunk EVERY single weekend and sometimes during the week. And alcohol enemas is the way he does it. If it were a matter of enjoying a glass or two of wine on the weekend (drinking it like normal people do) that would not be an issue...but it's NOT that way. In just a Friday and Saturday alone he can go through a whole box of wine; the equivalent to 4 750 ML bottles.

I know he's an alcoholic but I guess I need to hear it from someone else because I feel like I'm going crazy. I've tried everything...gently bringing it up...yelling...insulting...you name it. Nothing works and I KNOW that it won't either. I don't feel like a failure as a wife...but I DO look at him as a failure and I HATE that. I really really hate it. And I hate the weekends because I know that he'll spend most if not all of the weekend nights shoving a bottle up his rectum for the sole purpose of getting drunk and it's just plain disgusting to me. I feel disgust when I look at him anymore and I'm so tired of smiling and pretending that it doesn't bother me. And I hate this building animosity. He spends so much time pointing his finger at everyone else....but turns me into a "control freak" at the mere mention of him having a problem. He thinks that as long as he treats me well....does stuff around the house etc. that his drinking should not bother me because as he puts it, "I'm not hurting anyone". And when I bring up the physical detriments of his choice of alcohol consumption he laughs at me.

Answer
Mrs. M.,
     Thank you for your story and your honesty.  Although I can not answer this question in regards to the enemas and the medical/clinical aspects, I can comment on the disease of alcoholism that pertains to the choice he has made.  It has to do with the two ideas about alcoholism that I believe to be true - 1.) it sets up in the alcoholic a physical craving, and 2.) it sets up a mental obsession.
    Behaviors are always associated with some form of these.  When we become locked into the behavior it becomes a problem but the disease is cunning, baffling.  The alcoholic must somehow come to the realization that the addiction to the behavior does one major damage  - it destroys the ability to be in relationship with another person.  Bottom line - relationship is impossible.
    You describe this in your disgust and in his inability to be sensitive enough to even begin to see how his bent on the enema affects you and your feelings.
    I can only suggest that you check out your local Alanon groups to get among people who have learned to cope, in some cases, and escape the affects of the disease entirely in those cases where the other person in the relationship isn't willing to look at themselves honestly.
    I hope this may have helped.  You are not crazy - you are a rational, feeling, human being.
Grace and Peace,
Clyde

Addiction to Alcohol

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Clyde

Expertise

I can answer questions on the recovery from alcohol addiction as I am a recovering alcoholic with 22 years of sobriety. I can also address the spiritual aspects of the 12-Step program as I have a Master of Divinity degree; serve as a pastor in the Quaker church; and, serve as a hospice chaplain. I have also served as a prison chaplain for one year and currently volunteer as a mentor once a week, working with two inmates one-on-one as they work towards reentry into society as free persons.

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I am a recovering alcoholic with 22 years of continuous sobriety.

Education/Credentials
Master of Divinity awarded in 2000 from Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary

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