Addiction to Alcohol/please help
I am writing to you again because I really don't know what to do. Its been getting harder and harder to talk with my husband. He still keeps sneaking alcohol and drinking. I started locking up my flavor extracts because he started drinking them. Today I got into my safe because I was baking. I have quite a few flavor extracts. I opened it and there is 1 and a half bottles. There was at least 5 missing. He would be the only person in my home who knows where they are and I thought he didn't need the password. I changed the code already. He gets mean and defensive when you even begin to think he had anything to do with it. He has also started to say that he's only swaying because he didn't sleep much the night before or he blames it on his medicine he takes to help him sleep. Tonight he came inside from doing a little painting. He was fine, totally normal, then came back maybe 20 minutes later and he is swaying and can't stand straight to save his life. I'm starting to feel like I have done all I can. I have given up so much to try to make this relationship work. I'm feeling like he hasn't hit his rock bottom yet. I'm really tired of being lied to. I'm tired of this game. I really don't know what to do, or where to go next. I love the man I really do, but love isn't going to keep him sober. Is there something else I can try? Is there any advice you can give? I really want him to be there for our daughter, but I refuse to let her see daddy drunk.
Thank your for your follow-up and added information about the situation. The short answer to your question is "no," there is nothing else you can do for him and his alcoholism. The long answer is "yes," you can do something for you which could be a big help to him.
You have reached a point of discovery - you did not Cause it; you cannot Control it; and you cannot Cure it. All measures to attempt these three C's of Alanon will end up in great disappointment. Therefore, we must discover another way for our own sanity.
I forget whether I suggested Alanon to you and whether you have tried it or not, but this is the key for those who suffer the continued addictive behavior.
You have gone so far as to put a lock on your extracts and he even steals those and won't confess the truth. By the way, my mom started giving me spoonfuls of vanilla extract when I was maybe 6 years old and boy did that taste good. I suppose the buzz was ok too but I do not remember that at that young age. But there were times in my late alcoholism that I, too, would get into the pantry for those wonderful sources of concentrated alcohol.
There is a true physical craving and a real mental obsession for alcohol in the alcoholic and these two behaviors are going to be satisfied one way or another - you will be powerless over those. Only the affected individual, who has truly "hit rock bottom," will be able to comprehend that these two are at work and then make a decision to change or not. He may never arrive at this point.
Then, the answer is you.
I can give you some things to think about but you must make a decision to change yourself - or at least the approach you are taking in this frustrating situation.
1.)What do I believe, in my heart, my Higher Power would have me do with my life from this day forward?
2.)What do I hope to do with my life from this day forward?
3.)Am I ready to make the changes necessary to answer the first two questions?
Give some soul searching to these questions and the answer to your dilemma will be found. Alanon speaks of our finding the courage to change and we have been so affected by alcohol that we can become sicker than the alcoholic.
I hope this may have helped and you are always welcome to write back.
Grace and Peace,