Expert: Rebos - 11/14/2007

Question
My boyfriend is an alcoholic.  He is a functional one if there is such a thing.  Lately we have had a lot of problems arguing.  When it's good it is really good but when it is bad it is really bad.  We have been together 4 years.  He is dying of liver disease.  I love him so much but feel so hopeless.  He is not physically abusive but mentally.  I want to spend the rest of my life with this man but he is pushing me away.  What can I do to help him....he cant quit drinking...he used to drink hard liquor but does not anymore...he only drinks beer (like that makes a difference).  Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to help him?


Answer
Good afternoon Tammy and thank you for your question.

By “helping” your boyfriend, do you mean to “help him stop drinking”? If so, you wrote that “he can’t quit”, but you didn’t write that he "wants" to quit! If he doesn’t want to quit there is nothing that you can do to help him stop drinking. Is really dying of liver disease as you stated? If he is going to die of liver disease even if he stops drinking then… it would seem to be a lost cause. I wish that I could answer your question more specifically. Please do not hesitate to write me again… I believe that I can help you.

In any case I would recommend that you start attending Alanon meetings. I assume that you know what Alanon is. Alanon can be reached by calling 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). Thank you Rebos