Expert: Rebos - 12/6/2007

Question
I'm not sure were to start. I know my husband is an alcoholic and has been for about 4 years now. He drinks at least a 6pack a day, but usually more(12). We are 38 years old and have been married 10 years. Lived together 4 years before that. He is my life. Things have really escaladed in the past year. I can get him to talk to me about it. He says I'm the reason he drinks every day. To be able to deal with me. Last night he blew up. Screaming and telling me he's done with me. I know this isn't true because in the morning he's apologizing telling me how much he loves me and how sorry he is. I've always stood by him threw everything,(14 years of life and 3 kids). I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Answer

Good morning Sarah and thank you for your question. If drinking is causing problems then it is a problem

You should be going to Alanon! Alanon is where YOU will get better. What you need… is to listen to others who are, or who have been in a similar situation that you are in now. They have found an answer to their problem, and so will you! I guarantee that if you attend Alanon regularly, and work on yourself…YOU will get better. That’s not to say that your husband will get better because you go to Alanon, but you will learn how to live with an alcoholic husband. You will have to give Alanon a chance to work for you…there are no quick fixes to your problem. Alanon can be reached by calling: 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada).

Your husband is undoubtedly having a personality change when he drinks. It’s called a Doctor Jeckel and Mr. Hyde Syndrome. That is not to say that you should accept his unacceptable behavior. If he is drinking up to 12 cans of beer a day then he is drinking a lot of alcohol! There is the same amount of alcohol in one 12 ounce can of beer as there is in 1.25 ounces of 80 % hard liquor. Therefore, your husband is drinking the equivalent of 15 ounces (almost a full pint) of 80 proof of hard liquor every day. That adds up to almost 4 quarts of 80 proof hard liquor every week!

You stated that “you know that your husband is an alcoholic”! Have you ever talked to him about his drinking and the effect that it is having on your marriage? Never mind the effect that it is having on your marriage, what about your children! They will certainly be affected by your husband’s alcoholism in an extremely negative way. Have you ever told him that he needs to get help? He may possibly need to get detoxified and then start to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Whatever you do never make any threats to him that you are not 100% willing to follow through on.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask me in a follow-up. Thank you, Rebos