Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 11/5/2007

Question
Hello Jan,
I have been married to my wife for 2yrs and we now have a 3months old child.  With my 2years marriage, I have observed my wife's drinking has become a problem. My wife is on maternaty leave from work. So I am working 2 jobs right now to help support my wife and child. My wife's job requires her to travel to different states and sometimes overseas. Prior to her leave from work, I would receive phone calls from her at her destination being intoxicated by alcohol and prescribed medication.
However during her pregnancy, she did very well by not consuming any alcohol.
Now, after our child has been born, my wife has gone back to her daily routine of consuming alcohol. On a daily basis, my wife would finish off 1 to 2 bottles of wine. Basically drunk almost every nite thoughout the week. While intoxicated, she would become a completely different person. She would become very hostile by being verbally abusive and sometimes physical.  Sometimes she would take sleeping pills and sometimes other medications after finishing off 1 to 2 bottles of wine. There have several times where she would drink more than 2bottles of wine, and drink until she is out. There has been several occassions when I have come home from work to find her completely out and our 3months old screaming.  I also observed that her mother (my mother-in-law) too has a drinking problem. And at times would encourage my wife to drink with her. The only difference is that my mother-in-law does not become hostile.  
I have approached her several times (while she was sober) to stop drinking and to seek help. In doing so, she has threaten to end our marriage and take my son away from me. My wife also advised me that her family (from her mother's side) has had a drinking problem.
I am concerned that maybe oneday I will come home from work to find both my wife and child hurt because of her drinking problem. Maybe could help me out by offering some helpful advice to me?

Answer
Hello James,
There are no simple answers to the situation you have described. Your wife's alcoholism and the denial that is associated with it, do not allow her to see her problem as you do. As you suggest, at the top of the list of concerns is the health and safety of your baby. Next would be your wife's safety, as she could easily overdose taking alcohol and other sedatives together (synergy). I have several suggestions. First, I would seek the help of an attorney to assess your legal situation (safety and custody issues); I would meet with an interventionist (see, for example, http://www.intervention.com/; http://www.intervene.com/) to discuss an intervention to get your wife to agree to treatment, and, if you can find the time, I suggest you attend meetings of Al-Anon for education and support for yourself: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Good luck,
Jan Williams
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com