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Addiction to Alcohol/Believing in an Alcoholic

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Expert: - 5/3/2007


Question
I am new in recovery and I am giving it all my all.  I'm in out-patient program.  I was just wondering when people will start to believe me or believe in me.

Answer
Hi there -

Thanks for the question - it tells me you would like to work through this.

My sense is that most alcoholics, even those new in recovery, don't have what I call money in the trust bank. The first thing that chemicals impair is your judgement so you do things you wouldn't have done otherwise. You don't have any trademark on this behavior, in fact, nearly every single chemically dependent person has experienced your current situation. As chemical dependency is progressive, your negative behavior progresses in concert with your addiction. We usually don't notice our behavior until someone points it out to us or the "behavior" becomes pretty extreme. I sense that is what you are experiencing at the moment. People have a lack of trust regarding your behavior as you have not been able to mediate that...all due to your chemical use.

You might consider approaching people who's trust you want to engender and say something like this: "I have a sense that you might not trust me, and I understand as my behavior has been untrustworthy. is there anything you need from me or anything you need to hear from me so we can begin to move to a place where you can start trusting me...even if it is with little things?"

And when people tell you something - do it. Trust is about as much as what you don't do as much as what you decide to do....if that makes sense.

Keep up the good work, do whatever it is you need to do to remain sober, attend support group meetings, do some volunteer work, get some exercise, and read a lot! The more information you have and the more action you take will soon enough demonstrate that you are serious about your "program."

Dr. King suggested that there is a reward for integrity in the face of hardship. I think he has something there.

You are welcome to write back and let me know how it works out.

Best,
Todd

Addiction to Alcohol

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Todd

Expertise

I sense it's important to let you know (upfront) that I don't have a 12-step orientation. I also want to let you know that this system won't allow us to make paragraphs, so I am using ** to separate my thoughts into paragraphs I can answer questions related to getting/staying sober, queries related to support for loved ones, questions on support groups, relapse prevention, communication skills, alcohol and drug pharmacology, spirituality, and finding ways to increase joy within sobriety. I see sobriety as a skill, understand that recovery looks different for everybody, and encourage people to find a sobriety mentor. **It has been my experience that in 12-step groups many people are seen to fail under the guise of a lack of willingness. When I used to attend meetings I'd see many people who were shamed and bullied over various medications they needed to take...telling people they can't take various medications is akin to playing God. I have yet to understand how taking MH meds is any different than taking any other medication which you need to thrive and support your health. **As there is so much shame, stigma, myths, and misinformation in this culture around CD (many of my clients will tell you that it is easier to be mentally ill than it is to have any sort of chemical dependency issue - in some way people are seen to be able to control their alcohol/drug using behaviors..not so with mental illness) folks first need to come to a place where they move beyond the stigma they internalize. **There is a term in social psychology called 'introjection'.....that is, when this culture views something in a certain way, we take on the facets of that stereotype...think about CD or folks who are gay/lesbian...this culture views these things in a negative way...we internalize this and feel poorly as a result.....as a mentor said, our culture fails gravely at being humane

Experience

I've been working in the field of addictions for nearly 27 years, within the inpatient and outpatient setting, as well as working in the Department of Corrections, the Director of Counseling for a large chemical dependency hospital, to where I'm currently employed doing in-home mental health and chemical dependency engagement with (mostly) seniors. I also have a contract gig running the entire CD program for a long-term transitional program to support people to overcome homelessness. As I've been doing this work for many years I am currently teaching a college class: intro to chemical dependency. It's been neat to see my students 'get it' and understand that they can have a huge impact on people and how they navigate their recovery. I've been sober for over 29 years and have a sense of what is required to maintain long-term sobriety and abstinence, and engage lasting change. **I am a huge fan of various anti-craving medications. In some recovery circles this is taboo, however, it's been my experience that there is no reward for suffering. **I also understand that as recovery looks different for everybody, perhaps someone's program could be riding a bike, spending time with family, doing yoga, swimming, writing in a journal, spending time with friends, therapy, playing with a pet, reading spiritual literature, etc....it seems to me that many paths have merit.

Organizations
National/state organizations relative to chemical dependency and addictive disorders.

Publications
http://www.askanaddictioncounselor.com

Education/Credentials
Degree/certification as a chemical dependency counselor, and state certification as an addiction professional.I'm working towards further graduate studies in clinical psychopharmacology.

Awards and Honors
Last year I was invited to do a five-hour presentation on various facets of addictive disorders as a very large behavioral health hospital. I was somewhat resistant as I was a bit nervous to speak in front of 2000 people. I had no idea my approach would be so welcome. I sense that it's hard to remember how much we know.

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