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Addiction to Alcohol/Brother with depression and alcoholism

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Expert: Joseph Lee O. - 12/9/2006


Question
I am 32 years old with a 30 year old brother with whom I share a duplex.  He has been drinking hard since he was about 17 years old.  About 5 years ago, his wife left him after only 5 months of marriage.  Since then, his drinking and depression have become exponentially worse.  After his last girlfriend left him (because of his drinking) he went to rehab for 30 days.  Since then (and I mean the day he got home) he has been almost incoherently bad 98% of the time.  He is prescribed zanax, phenigrin (sp?), and valium.  He takes these in high doses (not necessarily as directed) and drinks massive volumes.  He is slurring beyond comprehension.  He has lost most of his friends because they won't tolerate his behavior.  I am anxious having friends over as I am concerned he will want to come hang out with us in a "drunken retardation".  My friends are very uncomfortable about him coming over and it is seriously affecting my happiness here living next to him.  We both own the home along with my mother (who doesn't live here with us).  Is there anything now that can be done for him- he isn't interested in getting any more help.  I'm waiting for "rock bottom" but can't believe it isn't here yet.  If this isn't rock bottom, I can't imagine what is.  What can I do to live my life? Thank you for your help on this matter.  

nik

Answer
Greetings to you, Nik.

Although this might not be the best advice you might receive from someone who better knows all the related details, and unless you are the primary owner of your duplex and are therefore able to put your brother out, I would suggest you move.  His situation is a very sad one, and how much more he can stand before either committing suicide or asking for some real help is impossible to say.  In the meantime, however, it would be much easier for you to watch from a distance while waiting for any later opportunity to try to be helpful to him.

Joe

Email: leejosepho@hotmail.com

Addiction to Alcohol

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Joseph Lee O.

Expertise

Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.

Experience

The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken. Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along. At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ... ... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.

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