Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 1/1/2007

Question
My problem is this.  I am married to a 20 year old woman and her philosophy of drinking is drinking to get drunk.  I am so fearful of her turning 21.  What can I do?  Talking to her about the dangers is like talking to a brick wall.

Answer
Dear Edwin

Two things are always true. First, you can't keep anyone from drinking unless you lock them up and second, everyone grows up eventually. I recommend that you go to Alanon, a support group that helps people who are affected by those addicted to alcohol or drugs. You just have to accept her as she is and don't take her addiction personally. You don't have to enable her, you have to draw some healthy boundaries...like not rescuing her or helping her get drunk.