Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 12/28/2006

Question
Here is a little backgound before the question. We have been together for almost 5 years. After being together for 2 yrs he recived his second DUI and i left. After he was sober for 2 yrs i came back and we have been back together for a yr now. His DUI has cost us thousands of dollars and a lot of emostional issues.

He recently started driving again with an interlock and now has some freedom. I noticed about a month ago he started going out more often then i started smelling the beer on the breath. He has even slept on the couch a few times after coming home. He has not drank and drove because he always gets a ride. Then last night i finally met his friends and they are all heavy drinkers. I was very shaken by what i saw and was uncomfortable.

When i told him i see a problem starting he says that he is only having a few drinks socialy and that he is in control. I dont doubt that he is in control but for how long? I am deathly scared of going through what we have been through and i know our relatinship cant servive it again.

What do i do?

We recently gained custody of his 13 yr old daughter and i am the main income in the household.

At this point he is making me out to be the bad person because i didnt not enjoy our night with his friends. Im just scared. I know any drinking is not good. He has battled with Alcohol most of his life. How do i get him to understand even one drink is not ok?

Hollie

Answer
Dear Hollie

You can ask some of his AA friends to talk to him. You definitely need to go to Alanon, a support group for victims of alcoholics. Most people would not think twice about leaving him in your situation. You have to have boundaries, and you are right, it will get worse.