Expert: Rebos - 10/5/2007

Question
A family member is an alcoholic and drinks excessively then gets behind the wheel.  They haven't been caught yet but I fear they will kill someone else with their behavior.  I realize through their actions, they are committing a slow suicide but I do not want them to take the life of an innocent person.  This persons blood alcohol content is always positive as most A's are. Should I call the local police and tell them that this person is always drunk behind the wheel and give info about their vehicle or should I just wait for them to get caught? I would feel terribly guilty if the "A" killed someone.  The "A" has been able to elude being caught but their drinking has become out of hand and it's only a matter of time before they kill someone.  I would just rather they get caught and face the consequences before they kill someone.  What is your opinion?

Thanks,
Cheryl

Answer
Good morning Cheryl and thank you for your interesting question.

I don’t know all of the circumstances of your relationship with the person that you are referring to, but if the person was “close” to me, I would FACE TO FACE tell that person of my concern about their drinking and driving and tell them that they need to get help and what your intentions are. Or… alternatively, if you are “close”, I believe that I would seriously consider having an intervention performed by a highly skilled person who has lots of experience with running interventions for alcoholics. I believe that you can find all the information you need at you local “Council on Alcoholism”.

Unfortunately, all alcoholics must hit their own bottom before they do anything about stopping. I am sorry to say that hitting a bottom for some may mean going as low as a person can go...plus six feet! The following is what the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism suggests when dealing with an alcoholic.

“Getting an alcoholic into treatment can be a challenging situation. An alcoholic cannot be forced to get help except under certain circumstances, such as when a violent incident results in police being called or following a medical emergency. This doesn't mean, however, that you have to wait for a crisis to make an impact. Based on clinical experience, many alcoholism treatment specialists recommend the following steps to help an alcoholic accept treatment:

Stop all "rescue missions." Family members and friends often try to protect an alcoholic from the results of their behavior by making excuses to others about their drinking and by getting him out of alcohol-related jams. It is important to stop all such rescue attempts immediately, so that the alcoholic will fully experience the harmful effects of his or her drinking--and thereby become more motivated to stop.

Time your intervention. Plan to talk with the drinker shortly after an alcohol-related problem has occurred--for example, a serious family argument in which drinking played a part or an alcohol-related accident. Also choose a time when he or she is sober, when both of you are in a calm frame of mind, and when you can speak privately.

Be specific. Tell the family member that you are concerned about his or her drinking and want to be supportive in getting help. Back up your concern with examples of the ways in which his or her drinking has caused problems for both of you, including the most recent incident.

State the consequences. Tell the family member that until he or she gets help, you will carry out consequences--not to punish the drinker, but to protect yourself from the harmful effects of the drinking. These may range from refusing to go with the person to any alcohol-related social activities to moving out of the house. Do not make any threats you are not prepared to carry out.

Be ready to help. Gather information in advance about local treatment options. If the person is willing to seek help, call immediately for an appointment with a treatment program counselor. Offer to go with the family member on the first visit to a treatment program and/or AA meeting.

Call on a friend. If the family member still refuses to get help, ask a friend to talk with him or her, using the steps described above. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic may be particularly persuasive, but any caring, nonjudgmental friend may be able to make a difference. The intervention of more than one person, more than one time, is often necessary to persuade an alcoholic person to seek help.

Find strength in numbers. With the help of a professional therapist, some families join with other relatives and friends to confront an alcoholic as a group. While this approach may be effective, it should only be attempted under the guidance of a therapist who is experienced in this kind of group intervention.

Get support. Whether or not the alcoholic family member seeks help, you may benefit from the encouragement and support of other people in your situation. Support groups offered in most communities include Alanon, which holds regular meetings for spouses and other significant adults in an alcoholic's life, and Alateen, for children of alcoholics. These groups help family members understand that they are not responsible for an alcoholic's drinking and that they need to take steps to take care of themselves, regardless of whether the alcoholic family member chooses to get help” …. (End of suggestions)

If you are close to the person (as it says above) you may also go to Alanon meetings. Alanon is where YOU will get better. What you need; is to listen to others who are or have been in a similar situation that you are in now and have found an answer to their problem. I guarantee that if you attend Alanon regularly, and work on your self…you will get better. That’s not to say that your “friend” will get better because you go to Alanon, but you will learn how to detach from the illness with love and learn to hate the disease and not its victim. You have to give Alanon a chance to work for you…there are no quick fixes to your problem. Alanon can be reached by calling: 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada).

On the other hand if the person that you are referring to is not “close” to you, then you have an obligation to report the crime of “driving while drunk” as you would any other crime that you are witnessing.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask me in a follow-up. If you do have an intervention please make sure that it is run by a professional who has experience in running one. Thank you, Rebos