Expert: Rebos - 10/18/2007

Question
Hi Rebos,

This is a follow-up about my sister-in-law.  She has been drinking excessively for years.  She has checked into rehab many times only to get out and grab a case of beer on the way home, saying she didn't belong amongst the druggies and that they didn't treat her very well (she thinks she's a princess).  Her family has tried to help but have walked away, her husband is an enabler, her children hate her and they now suffer from emotional behavior (ODD).  She has become suicidal, which is why she in in the hospital again.  

After all these years, my SIL was finally diagnosed as being bi-polar.  This makes perfect sense!  Many addicts are bi-polar but don't know it, they cannot deal with life in general.  They end up self-medicating themselves in order to forget they feel different or to numb what pain they cannot face.  What I would like to say is, bi-polarism is genetic!  One of her siblings committed suicide years ago and the other siblings are alcoholics.  Her children suffer from ADHD and I believe she does as well.  ADHD and bi-polar are related and genetic.  The alcohol has finally brought her her symptoms to the ground.  I wonder how many people don't realize that they maybe bi-polar and turn to addictions to self-medicate in order to feel better or to fit in.  Addicts are known to hang around other addicts with the same behavioral problems.

When explaining to my father in law (who is a very self-centered narcissist, who has these same behavior traits (compulsions, OCD, phobias, grandiose inflated ego, etc.)that this is genetic and probably the reason his children have had problems.  He he denies that it runs in the family.  He thinks bi-polar is having unpredictable emotional explosions.  I need to add that he has never talked highly of his daughter and sees her as a failure, because she didn't live her life like HE wanted her to.  He's the most cynical, disrespectful man I've ever met.  

He lives in denial. His own father couldn't hold a job and died of cirrosis, although my FIL will tell you he never knew his dad to drink much, but he did beat them on occasion for no reason and use to take off for days at a time (a sure sign of a mental disorder) however he will not bring himself to realize this is the very behavior his daughter has demonstrated.  

I have hope for my SIL, that she will be able to get away from her demons (alcohol) and away from people like her father.  She will have to take lithium for the rest of her life, and cannot drink.

I just want to say after all the trips to rehab she continued to drink.  But after being diagnosed as bi-polar all of the reckless behavior makes sense.  The lying and alcoholism has been secondary-in-nature to the underlying problem of bi-polarism.  

My hope is to pass along to those that feel they cannot beat their demons or addictions will be checked for bi-polarism.  I am sure it would shed some light for how and why they feel the way they do and why they are an addict.  With the proper medication, they can live the life that they so desire.

Peace and God's grace to all.

Cheryl  

Answer
Good morning Cheryl and thank you for your follow-up… I appreciate it!

I am very pleased to hear that your SIL has been diagnosed correctly and as long as she takes her medication she should be OK Bi-Polar wise. However, it has been my experience that when a bi-polar patient starts to feel better they stop taking their meds and fall back into the disease becoming active again. It has also been my experience that your SIL should (after her meds kick in) start to attend Alcoholics Anonymous. She may still be addicted to alcohol!

As for her family’s history; if she goes to AA she will learn how to manage any negative influences that they may have in her overall illness.

If I can be any help to you in the future please contact me again. Thank you. Rebos