Expert: Druideck - 12/31/2007

Question
Hi Todd,

My question is about my mum. She has been a heavy drinker for a while but visiting her this Christmas I've only just realized how serious her problem is. For some reason I didn't think she was an alcoholic before but I can tell now that this has been getting worse and worse for some time.
She drinks every single night. She drinks so much that she gets drunk every night. She starts to slur her words and bang into the furniture. My Mum is the sweetest mum in the world and she has no idea how important she is to us. She has extremely low self esteem and never talks to anyone about anything. She is wonderful when she is sober but it is really hard to be around her when she is drunk.

She goes through 4 bottles of scotch and a cask of wine every week. I know some alcoholics drink more then that but as soon as it is 4.00pm everyday she starts drinking until she passes out.

So my question is...how do I help her? She already has low self esteem and I would hate to make her feel worse. But I want to help her. She lives with my step father and my sister and neither of them support her, even though they love her they just call her a drunk all the time.

also is she one of those alcoholics that once she gets help, it would be best for her never to touch alcohol again. Or could she have it every now and then?  

Answer
Rebecca,

this is a difficult situation for your Mum
and your family. It is not healthy to drink
so much and no matter how little or how much
a person drinks it is the addiction to it
that ruins them.
The desire to change has to come from your Mum.
The only thing you can do is take good care
of yourself and possibly provide your Mum
with some information about where she can get
help or learn about her illness.
She may deny she has any problem which is likely.
This is also part of alcoholism.
If your family was willing an experienced counsellor
can do an intervention which is hard but
involves all concerned loved ones writing
down the drinking behaviours that made them
very uncomfortable or unhappy.
This is all presented in a contolled way
with an alcohol counsellor present.
An ultimatum is presented along with much
support. Something like "we want you to
attend alcohol treament because we love you
and want to see you live sober and experience true happiness."
If she won't seek or accept help you must be prepared to
go on making your own life better and wait
for a possible opportunity later on to help her.
Focus on caring for yourself as you may not
be able to change the way things are.
Be ready to help only if she shows some interest
in the information you provide about alcoholism.
Maybe the rest of the family will read it too
if you leave it laying around.