Addiction to Alcohol/Need advice....

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Question
My 60 year old boyfriend is addicted to narcotic drugs and washes them down with bourbon.  I have let go of him and detached with love...my question is, how can I just leave it this way without alerting a family member that he will most likely kill himself?  I went to Alanon for 11 years because of my son's addiction in 1988. I know all the principles of this program.  Please advise what would be the right thing to do? I am very concerned about him, but I know I cannot "fix" what is wrong. Thanks

Answer
Greetings to you, Claire.

Your situation could be a touchy one.  Maybe none of his family knows and he might end up trying to put something back on you if you tell them and he gets angry when someone confronts him.  If you already know one or more of his family members, you might just tell him/her/them the reason you are no longer involved with the man is because you could not stand to watch him die in addiction and you are now letting them know what is likely ahead ... and stop talking!  And if you do decide to say something even to someone you do not already know, I would suggest keeping your report just that simple and to be prepared for taking a little flack for the sake of the family of a dying man.

If you do not mind, let me know what you decide to do here and how it turns out.

Peace to you,

Joe

Addiction to Alcohol

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Joseph Lee O.

Expertise

Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.

Experience

The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken. Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along. At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ... ... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.

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