Expert: Amarnath.B - 12/5/2006

Question
I have been with my alcoholic boyfriend for a year and a half.  For a year, I wondered if his drinking was "normal".  After enduring all the things that many loved-ones of alcoholics endure, I attended my first Al-Anon meeting.  That was six months ago.  Since then, my boyfriend, realizing that he was going to lose me, admitted to having a problem.  He attened AA and was sober for a month.  Then he fell off the wagon.  For several months he has gone to AA in spurts (I even attend a weekly meeting with him), but he hasn't stayed sober for more than a week.    
I believe that he sincerely wants to get sober.  However, my gut tells me he is not willing to do everything it takes.  He won't get a sponsor, and I suspect that he wouldn't go to AA if I didn't drive him.  I know for a fact that I am the only person in his life who supports his sobriety, but I am exhausted.  I don't want to wait for him to figure out that he needs to do A LOT more if he wants to stay sober.  I also don't want to leave him at a time that might be critical to his sobriety.  
I have read that it can take a while for alcoholics to truly get sober.  I am wondering how long "a while" is.  I am also wondering what his continuous drinking, despite attending AA, indicates.  Would I be a horrible person for giving up on him?  I fear that by staying with him, my life will be plagued with incidents where he falls off the wagon.

Millie  

Answer
Hello Millie,

I am glad you are an Al-Anon member & please be there period.  

Now about your boyfriend, the best thing is that he needs a long-term rehabilitation & he has to only decide about it.  Other than that there is no way he will stop drinking.

Speak to him and send me a mail & I will tell you what to do next.  Meanwhile God bless


Amarnath