Expert: Amarnath.B - 11/25/2006

Question
Hello,

I have been married for almost 10 years, happily most (95%) of the time...my problem stems from my husband's relationship to alcohol,which has been an issue between us since the beginning of our relationship.  He had quit drinking (and smoking pot) when i met him, at the urging of his parents and friends who were concerned about his personality change when he drank (which was always to the point of drunkenness, not just a buzz).  He started drinking again after we'd been dating for a few months, and we were   completely smitten by that time (talked about marriage after a few dates, felt like each-others compliment, etc).  We dated for 3 1/2 years altogether since I was in college and needed to graduate before getting married.  We have fought through this entire relationship every 6 weeks to 3 months about the drinking and on a lesser frequency about marijuana usage.  I don't drink or smoke at all - ever - because        I don't want to be a hypocrite, and it was never important to me - I can take it or leave it.  We now have 4 children,  
ages 8, 7, 5, and 18 months.  Over the past 8 years or so,
we've come to an agreement that he would drink only on
Fri night, while I work.  He is not at all abusive physically when he drinks, and I trust him with the children since he's not totally drunk until well after they're in bed (he couldn't drive by that point, but our arrangement allows  him to be home and not out at a bar on the roads).  I come home, sleep alone, and try to ignore what's going on .  He doesn't drink at any other time during the week, except on a few occasions where it's been a long vacation from work and he'll drink 2 nights instead of 1.  Just this past holiday (thanksgiving) he drank on Fri then again Sat (but denied it completely).  This has happened a few times before (maybe 6 since we've been married - 10 yrs.)  I feel betrayed, and I'm going to start Al-Anon.  Should I be thinking of separating?  Is this true alcoholism?  Our home life is wonderful, he's a terrific Dad and good husband.  We laugh a lot, and respect each-other...except for this.  Please, Please help me.   Thank you.  

Answer
Hello,

NO NO don't leave him.  He needs help like the same way you do. Call the nearest Alcoholics Anonymous and seek help because he needs AA help the same way you need Al-Anon's help.  

Do that immediately and give me the results.


God bless

Amarnath