Expert: Clyde - 12/27/2007

Question
I recently admitted I have a drinking problem to my husband.  I havestarted AA meetings for the last two weeks Its hard to include my husband and try to focus on my diease.  I suffer badly with depression and I know that escalates the tension between us.  I have removed my husband from our home.  I would welcome any sugestions to try to maintain my marriage and my diease.

Answer
Christine,
     Thank you for your contacting me with your questions.

      I commend you for doing something about your disease.  It is truly a disease and we must find the solution or we die.

      You don't say what exactly the "including" your husband means but I surmise that he may be wanting to have more information about what you are doing in AA and working on this problem.  When we begin to get serious about recovery we can appear to be distant from our families, especially our mates.  They often wonder why we would not quit drinking for them but that is not the question we must ask ourselves.  We must ask why we want to get sober for ourselves.  If we do not do this thing for us, then we are not going to be much use to anyone else.

     If the living arrangements that you have now are conducive to your sobriety, then, by all means, keep them the way you have them.  It will be important for you to use the time to get into a good healthy sober routine.

     In time, you will be able to make the necessary changes that will be required for you and the family.  Many alcoholics do not maintain a marriage after sobriety but many do.  You should not look at others and compare what happened in their stories but merely allow God to work in your lives to see where this recovery takes you.  You may find yourself happily married and then again, the changes in your life may warrant divorce.  Too early to say.  Try to keep an open mind.

     Above all else, DO NOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK!  It will be imperative that you give the program a chance.  I hope you have a sponsor and if you don't by now, get one soon.  They will be able to help you work the program honestly and seriously.  Get the Big Book and read the first 164 pages as it is the basis for your new life.

     Keep in touch if you would like and always know that you can send more questions as they arise.

Grace and Peace,

Clyde