AboutJan Edward Williams Expertise all questions related to drug or alcohol addiction, except those requiring the expertise of a physician or those relating to mental health problems apart from addiction. See my web site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
Experience I have been working as a licensed addictions counselor for 29 years and am in recovery myself for 31 years
Organizations Licensed Clinical Professional Counselors Maryland
Maryland Addictions Professional Certification Board
Education/Credentials MS Counseling
Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Maryland
My wife of 13 years has a drinking problem. What I am trying to assess is whether she is an alcoholic, and the best approach for her own well being, and that of our family.
Let me start by saying my wife does not drink every day. She would consider herself a social drinker, although does occasionally drink alone, and often her problems start with a "glass of wine over dinner", or with a "couple of beers" when we get together with friends. By the end of the evening, more often than not, she is slurring her words, constructing sentences that make no sense, and staggering home. Candidly, she is an embarrassment to herself, and the family. We have two children, 13 and 12, both boys, who are fully aware of her problem, and are exacerbated by it. It is affecting her relationship with our oldest in a meaningful way. My career requires occasional travel, and I have received calls from the boys for "help" when I'm away. We have had numerous conversations with her about it, and she has acknowledged the problem. She has bought the occasional book, and tried to limit herself to a few drinks, but inevitably falls right back into the same trap. Quitting drinking apparently does not appeal to her.
She is an otherwise sweet and caring woman, and a good mother, but we are at wits end. I am concerned when I travel, and I cannot trust her to control this when out with friends. Again, she does not drink every day: it primarily occurs in social settings.
We've had family meetings and conversations, but nothing helps. I am exhausted, concerned, and embarrassed. She has met with two counselors in the past, but those meetings never went beyond one or two...her reasons for quitting being that she didnt feel the counselor was helping, or she didnt like him or her. She also went to one AA meeting about four years ago, but felt that she didnt belong there.
Thanks in advance for any feedback you might be able to provide.
Answer A pattern of alcohol related behaviors such as those stated, tension in relationships with spouse and children, adverse impact on role as mother, damage to reputation, inability to control use, treatment attempts, strongly support a diagnosis of alcoholism. This diagnosis does not require daily drinking; the key is what happens when she does drink. I think that you need to put together an intervention with the help of an addictions specialist (not just any mental health professional; you need someone who knows addiction) that includes your children and any other person your wife cares about who has personal knowledge of the negative consequences of her drinking. Treatment programs can provide this help. Here are two sites for interventionists; the first one is someone I know who specializes in family interventions: http://www.intervention.com/; http://www.intervene.com/. You can also check out my web site for further information: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com.
