Expert: Rebos - 7/15/2007

Question
My husband has 2 dui's both prior to our marriage in 2002. He was going to court ordered AA and was sober, but had relapsed prior to us getting married. Since then, our marrige has been full of arguing, fighting and I am completely fed up.  He wrecked 2 cars 1 1/2 months apart, both from drinking and driving and popping a Xanax.  One on Easter weekend and the other on Mother's day weekend.  I am at my wits end.  He pees all over the bathroom, makes a complete mess everywhere and doesn't pick it up.  He abuses alcohol, marijuana and perscription pills.  
He trys to put everything back on me, and make me feel guilty.  I am an enabler, but I am trying to get thru this.  He gets drunk in public and is very embarrassing.  He sleeps thru family functions, cause he smokes prior to going.  I know that I cannot control his drinking and behavior, but I do not want to live the rest of my life like this.  Help!!  Also, am I liable if he hurts someone from drinking and driving??

Answer
Good morning Dawn and thank you for your question:

I am not a lawyer so I can’t answer the question “if you are liable if he hurts someone from drinking and driving”.

I can however, give you a suggestion as to what you can do to help yourself thru being married to an alcoholic. If you intend to stay married to this man I suggest that you start to attend Al-Anon meetings. You may not be able to do anything about your husband’s drinking but you can do something about the problem that has developed in your life being married to a drunk! At Alanon you will find out what you can do to help him by first learning to help yourself. Alanon can be reached by calling: 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). Al-Anon is where you will get better. What you need is to listen to others who are or have been in a similar situation that you are in now and have found an answer to their problem. I guarantee that if you attend Al-Anon regularly, and work on your self…you will get better. That’s not to say that your husband will get sober because you go to Al-Anon, but you will learn how to detach from his illness with love and learn to hate the disease and not its victim. You have to give Al-Anon a chance to work for you…there are no quick fixes to your problem. It is your call as to telling your husband that you are going to Al-Anon because of his drinking and drugging.

I don’t want to overburden you with any more details than I have already written. If you have any specific questions feel free to ask me in a follow-up. Thank you, Rebos