Expert: Joseph Lee O. - 11/16/2004

Question
Thanks.
Yes, I am trying to determine if my wife has a drinking problem, or is indeed an alcoholic.

Followup To
Question -
Hi.
What are the signs that a person is an alcoholic?
Also, is there a difference between someone who is an alcoholic, and someone whw has a "drinking problem"?
If so, what is the difference?
Thanks so much for any info.
-Art


Answer -
Warm greetings to you, Art!

You have asked:

>> What are the signs that a person is an alcoholic?

Two things ultimately distinguish the alcoholic from the non-alcoholic:
1) An inability to control his or her drinking after getting started (again);
2) An inability to remain abstinent after “stopping” (once again).

Coupled with a certain “body chemistry” that makes normal (controlled) drinking virtually impossible, the alcoholic has a mental/emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ...

From “The Doctor's Opinion” in “Alcoholics Anonymous”:
“[Alcoholic] Men and women drink essentially because they like the [mental/emotional] effect produced by alcohol.  The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false.  To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one.  They are [mentally/emotionally] restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks - drinks which they see others taking with impunity.  After they have succumbed to the [mental/emotional] desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of [a physical] craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again.  This [drunk-sober-drunk cycle] is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic [mental/emotional] change there is very little hope of his recovery.”

There are many other things some people say are indicators or “signs” that one is an alcoholic, but those other things, such as “Is your drinking affecting ...?”, are almost always common among non-alcoholics also.

>> Also, is there a difference between someone who is an alcoholic, and someone who has a "drinking problem"? If so, what is the difference?

Yes, there is a difference, and the difference is as described above.  There are certain “troubled people” who occasionally (or even quite often) “drink for the effect” and/or even to “get drunk”, but they can nevertheless always decide precisely when to drink, and how much.  How can you tell the difference?

Take the alcohol away and see what happens.  If the drinker is an alcoholic, “life” will again become virtually unbearable in whatever way ... and s/he will again turn to alcohol as a “solution”, so to speak.

Whether you are asking these questions with yourself or anyone else in mind, please know you can communicate with me in complete anonymity.

Peace to you ...

leejosepho@hotmail.com

Answer
Greetings again, Art.

As already shared, an alcoholic ultimately finds himself or herself "powerless" to either control or to completely stop his or her drinking.  However, and for a variety of reasons, those things are not always clearly evident.

Initially written to wives as spouses of alcoholics, here are some thoughts from "Alcoholics Anonymous", the book:

"The problem with which you struggle usually falls within one of four categories:
"One: Your husband may be only a heavy drinker.  His drinking may be constant or it may be heavy only on certain occasions.  Perhaps he spends too much money for liquor.  It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it.  Sometimes he is a source of embarrassment to you and his friends.  He is positive he can handle his liquor, that it does him no harm, that drinking is necessary in his business.  He would probably be insulted if he were called an alcoholic.  The world is full of people like him.  Some will moderate or stop altogether, and some will not.  Of those who keep on, a good number will become true alcoholics after a while.
"Two: Your husband is showing lack of control, for he is unable to stay on the water wagon even when he wants to.  He often gets entirely out of hand when drinking.  He admits this is true, but is positive that he will do better.  He has begun to try, with or without your cooperation, various means of moderating or staying dry.  Maybe he is beginning to lose his friends.  His business may suffer somewhat.  He is worried at times, and is becoming aware that he cannot drink like other people.  He sometimes drinks in the morning and through the day also, to hold his nervousness in check.  He is remorseful after serious drinking bouts and tells you he wants to stop.  But when he gets over the spree, he begins to think once more how he can drink moderately next time.  We think this person is in danger.  These are the earmarks of a real alcoholic.  Perhaps he can still tend to business fairly well.  He has by no means ruined everything.  As we say among ourselves, 'He wants to want to stop.'
"Three: This husband has gone much further than husband number two.  Though once like number two, he became worse.  His friends have slipped away, his home is a near-wreck and he cannot hold a position.  Maybe the doctor has been called in, and the weary round of sanitariums and hospitals [and treatment centers] has begun.  He admits he cannot drink like other people, but does not see why.  He clings to the notion that he will yet find a way to do so.  He may have come to the point where he desperately wants to stop but cannot.  His case presents additional questions which we shall try to answer for you.  You can be quite hopeful of a situation like this.
"Four: You may have a husband of whom you completely despair.  He has been placed in one institution after another.  He is violent, or appears definitely insane when drunk.  Sometimes he drinks on the way home from the hospital.  Perhaps he has had delirium tremens.  Doctors may shake their heads and advise you to have him committed.  Maybe you have already been obliged to put him away.  This picture may not be as dark as it looks.  Many of our husbands were just as far gone.  Yet they got well.
"Let's now go back to husband number one.  Oddly enough, he is often difficult to deal with.  He enjoys drinking.  It stirs his imagination.  His friends feel closer over a highball.  Perhaps you enjoy drinking with him yourself when he doesn't go too far.  You have passed happy evenings together chatting and drinking before your fire.  Perhaps you both like parties which would be dull without liquor.  We have enjoyed such evenings ourselves; we had a good time.  We know all about liquor as a social lubricant.  Some, but not all of us, think it has its advantages when reasonably used ..." (pages 109-110).

Here to help in any way I can ...

Joe