Expert: Rebos - 11/13/2007

Question
rebos,i am 28 years old married to a alcoholic husband and i'm getting tired of it because everytime i have to go work im always worried if he's going to be past out again or what and im so scared sometimes because we have a 5 years old daughter that he needs to watch if im at work but i can't relai on him because everytime he has a chance to drink he wont waste it eventhough he dont have money he will find a way just to buy his alcohol,honestly we lose everything in the house because he keep pawninng them even my daugther dvds.he drinks like every other week but once he started it take 3 days straight until he done and everyday we always fight and it concernds me because my daugther always observe our argument
and i cant just ask him to leave the house because we live with my mother in law i really dont know what to do sometimes i just want leave him but my problem is i have no where to go pls tell me what to do,im so tired talking to him about getting help he dont want to admit that he has a problem...im  so tired and scared all the time for me and for my daughter pls help me what to do...


Answer

Good morning Jean and thank you for your question.

I feel your pain and have first hand knowledge of what you are going through. Under the circumstances that you described, unfortunately there is little that you can do to stop your husband from continuing to drink unless he wants to stop. Also, I can’t tell you whether or not you should leave you husband, BUT your 5 year old daughter’s safety must come first. The situation that she faces every day will most-likely have a bad affect on her for the rest of her life.

If you decide to leave him there may be women’s shelters in your area that would be able to take you and your daughter in until they find a secure place for you to stay. Should you decide that avenue your local police department should be able to give you information about women’s shelters. In the meantime I strongly recommend that you start attending Alanon meetings. You must allow those who have the answers for you (Alanon) to help you through your situation. When you allow others to help it is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of your strength. I assume that you know what Alanon is. Alcoholism is a “family” disease and it the affects everyone in the family. Your best defense against the emotional impact of your husband’s drinking is to gain knowledge and the emotional maturity to put that knowledge into effect. Alanon can be reached by calling 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). If you feel close enough to your mother-in-law you may want to ask her to go with you. I can’t figure out how his mother can stand by silently and not take any action that may save her son’s life?

I am sorry that I can’t give you any further advice, but above all you and your daughter’s safety must come first! Thank you Rebos