AboutJan Edward Williams Expertise all questions related to drug or alcohol addiction, except those requiring the expertise of a physician or those relating to mental health problems apart from addiction. See my web site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
Experience I have been working as a licensed addictions counselor for 28 years and am in recovery myself for 30 years
Organizations Licensed Clinical Professional Counselors Maryland
Maryland Addictions Professional Certification Board
Education/Credentials MS Counseling
Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Maryland
Question As many people in my particular predicament, I am not exactly sure what my
question is....
My wife is an alcoholic. And probably has been since we were married 13
years ago... As silly as this sounds, I did not really notice or consider her
drinking an issue until about 3 years ago....
When the 5 PM "wine" with the other neighborhood martini mom's went on to
2 AM became often enough to predict, I began to react. And when none of it
really worked, I went to a few alanon meetings.
My efforts to get her to realize that her "drinking" was a problem have been
varied. The remorse from her "binges" and showing up intoxicated after a
few hours out with the girls eventually is lost in our busy lives.
For the past year or so the binges have been on and off. I do not see any real
resolution in sight.
The most recent incident of my wife stumbling upstairs only to lay down on
our 10 year old's bed (thinking she was in mine) and talking nonsense
proclaiming how "drunk" she was has left me again searching....
Really not sure what to do next.
Nick
Answer Hello Nick,
Alcoholism is a disease that hurts everyone, including the alcoholic and her loved ones. First of all, I am concerned about the welfare of you and your 10 year old. You do not say whether you have discussed your wife's problem with him/her. That conversation needs to be take place and continued often, with the emphasis on the fact that your wife's problem is a disease in need of treatment, that she is not a bad person who doesn't care her family. I also suggest you go back to Al-Anon, maybe 2-3 times a week, to give you support and help you to avoid enabling your wife's problem. In regard to your wife, I don't know what conversations you have had with her. Alcoholics rarely stop drinking and seek help without experiencing a lot of pain and consequences due to their drinking. If you have not done this yet, when she is sober, I suggest a conversation sharing honestly, lovingly, and respectfully how her drinking hurts you and your child and that you want her to get help and stop. If you have already done this, then continue with your Al-Anon meetings (let her know you are going for support for you and your child), perhaps get counseling for your child. At some point, if, and/or when, you are ready, you may think about having a difficult intervention (include others important to her) with your wife to tell her you may need a separation until she attains and maintains sobriety. The best way to do an intervention is to retain an addictions counselor with expertise in interventions to help you prepare. Take a look at this site: http://www.intervention.com/, and at my site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/FamilyAddictionsCounselingonline.html. Good luck,
Jan Williams
