Expert: Clyde - 8/29/2007

Question
I was in a relationship with an alcoholic for 3 years.  I do not live with him anymore but he still calls me.  I used to listen to his negative thoughts and all he had to say and lately, I cannot stay on the phone with him.  He will call me sober in the morning at work but by the evening or night he is pretty high.  I don't know if he will ever quit drinking, especially being that his mom is his chief enabler.  I spent 3 years with this man and most of the 3 years he was sober.  He went on a few binges during those 3 years.  He did fine until about 6-7 months of being sober, he would start withdrawing and talking negative.  I did not understand at the time why he would get like this but now I do know.  I just want to ask, is alcoholism more of a mental addiction or physical.  I have asked myself this numerous times and think it starts in the mind.  I just want some advice.
Esther

Answer
Esther,
  Thank you for your questions and some idea of how you have perceived the alcoholic in your life.

  Basically you have a question as to whether alcoholism is mental or physical.  Our "Big Book" or Alcoholics Anonymous published first in 1939 speaks to this.  It is both.  We say that it is an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body.

  Alcoholics become addicted on the mental level because it does something for us.  We begin to think that the effects of alcohol are reasonable ways to escape our true feelings.  Although there are a myriad of reasons why alcoholics will say they drink, it boils down to altering our feelings.  If we are sad - drink to get a buzz and forget the sadness; if we are angry - drink to get back at whoever has angered us; if we are happy - drink to elevate the happiness; etc. etc.  If we are normally reserved and shy, it heightens our confidence and we become uninhibited and free to converse with people.  If we have low self-esteem, it raises our sense of worth by providing this false confidence.  This mental exercise becomes engrained in us and the habit has then been established.

  Physically, we say it is an allergy because alcohol does affect our bodies differently than a non-alcoholic.  It is theorized that some metabolism mechanism takes place that affects brain chemistry.  The body finds this physical affect something that it wants again and again.  We are already mentally obsessed so we know how to get the drug the body craves.  And it is a physical craving.  We don't drink to socialize or to take in a little beneficial wine (some say that wine is good for the heart).  We drink to keep the "buzz" and thus we cannot easily have just one drink.  We drink to get drunk.

  Eventually, we must drink to live.

  The recovering alcoholic has reached a point where the alcohol stops working.  We cannot escape our true feelings because we cannot seem to get drunk enough to keep them at bay.  Our guilt and remorse and fears become too much for the drug to cover over. The mental obsession fails to work.
Physically, our bodies are worn out under the abuse.  We develop all sorts of physical ailments (liver problems, nerve problems, nutritional problems, etc.) And physically the drug no longer works because we cannot get drunk as we desire.

  The recovering alcoholic finds himself or herself at the "bottom" with no where to go. It is at this point where recovery begins.  We have to relearn how to live and, in some cases, we have to literally grow up because we have been mentally stunted and failed to mature.  It is a life long process.  You could say we join the rest of the world living life on life's terms like any non-alcoholic does.

  I hope brief answer helps.  Alcoholism is a complicated disease and it can manifest itself in someone's life from a number of different angles.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde