Expert: Rebos - 6/19/2006

Question
i need to talk to someone. i can't do it in our town. people know us. my husband drinks too much, i don't want to leave, not yet. how can i get him to admit he drinks too much. i am not getting alot our of our marriage, it focuses around his drinking. i need some help

cathy

Answer
Good morning Cathy:

Thank you for your question.

I would strongly recommend that you get in touch (by phone if you want to remain anonymous) with either AlAnon or your town's Council on Alcoholism. I know that you and he may feel that it is a stigma to be an alcoholic...but, there is no shame in being an alcoholic the shame is doing nothing about it!

If a person has a terminal disease and they turn their backs on the solution for recovery, then they are not yet ready to recognize that their recovery is based upon “yagottawanna” get well no matter what one has to do to get well.

Depending on your husband’s physical (and maybe mental) condition he may or may not need to be detoxified under the care of a medical professional’s observation. There is always the possibility that an alcoholic going thru withdrawals may experience seizures, heart attack or stroke. A fringe benefit of your husband going into a detox clinic (if need be out of your hometown) is that he will get some counseling, and get some distance between him and his last drink. Alcoholism is but a symptom of a deeper underlying problem. If that problem is not faced up to then recovery is questionable at best!

No, you don’t have to leave the house, unless he becomes or is mentally or physically abusive to you, or you want the marriage to be dissolved. In that case I would call a lawyer.

I strongly suggest that you start to attend Alanon meetings. That is where you will learn how to be supportive and not be an enabler. Alanon can be reached by calling: 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). Whatever decision you make give it a chance to work. If you decide to go to AlAnon remember that dirty four letter word TIME. Give it time to work! DON”T MAKE ANY THREAT TO HIM THAT YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH ON!

If I can be of further help feel free to contact me again, but I will need more details about your husband’s drinking and your relationship. Thank you Rebos