Expert: Rebos - 6/5/2007

Question
How can I comfort my boyfriend when he is upset/embarrassed by his fathers alcoholism?

Answer
Good afternoon Sylvia:

Thank you for your question. You can’t help your boyfriend except to be there for him! The sure-fire answer is; that your boyfriend (and you, if you chose to) should start attending Al-Anon meetings. Your boyfriend may not be able to do anything about his father’s drinking, but he can do something about the problem that has developed in HIS (and your) life having an alcoholic in it. At Alanon he will find out (what he can do to help his father if he chooses) by first learning to help him self. Alanon can be reached by calling: 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). Al-Anon is where your boyfriend will get better. What he needs is… to listen to others (and follow the Al-Anon program) who are or have been in a similar situation that he is now in and they have  found an answer to their problem of having a drunk in their lives. I guarantee that if he attends Al-Anon regularly, and works on himself…he will get better. That’s not to say that his father will get better because he goes to Al-Anon, but he will learn how to detach from his father’s illness with love, and learn to hate the disease and not its victim. He will have to give Al-Anon a chance to work …there is no magic bullet to his problem with his father.

If I can help you beyond your question please send me a follow-up question. Thank you, Rebos