Expert: Rebos - 4/17/2005

Question
Hi, I've just started drinking for about a year. It has posed so so many problems, the most of it being my out of control behavior.  I've even observe myself after drinks. I normally don't drink and when I go out, I'll be fine if I don't drink at all, but once i start, I can't stop. This has posed many problems. Sometimes I get violent verbally and my friends gets very dissapointed when I get out of control like that. I don't know what to do.

Answer
Good afternoon Katherine:

Thank you for your question. I will do my best to try and help you with your problem.

First, let me say that you are the only one who can tell if you are an alcoholic and have it be meaningful to the point where you want to do anything about it. You must remember that alcoholism like any other addiction is a “disease of denial”. It tries to fool you into thinking that there is no problem, when there is one.

Secondly, if you have to think about controlling your drinking you have already lost control of it. Social drinkers don't have to think about control, they can take it or leave it without any thought about how many or how few they should drink at any given time.

Thirdly, IF DRINKING CAUSES PROBLEMS THEN IT IS A PROBLEM! If you are concerned, then that concern in itself is enough of a problem for you to seriously consider abstinence from booze. It doesn't make any difference of what you drink, how much you drink…who you drink it with or where you drink it. The question that you have to ask yourself is, “What does it do to you when you drink it”. There is no shame in being an alcoholic...the shame is in doing nothing about it!

Not remembering what you might have done at times when you are drunk is called a “blackout”. What is really happening is “alcoholic amnesia”. Each time you have a blackout some brain cells die. The end result is what is called a "wet brain". It's like a prize fighter that gets hit in the head too many times, after a while he is in another world.

I don't know you or what your personal circumstances are, but you appear to be a young, person and with any luck you can have a long, healthy and productive life ahead of you. However if you are willing to take the gamble on continuing to drink, I guarantee you that there is lots and lots of trouble ahead for you. I am not trying to frighten you, but believe me when I say that you have no idea, if you are an alcoholic, what awaits you if you continue to drink. Another symptom of alcoholism that you described is having a personality change when you drink. It is known as a Doctor Jeckell and Mr. Hyde syndrome.

I would strongly advise you to go to some meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. Recovery from the disease of Alcoholism is not a “do it yourself” disease. At AA meetings you will find people, some of who are where you are at now and some with long term sobriety. They will be pleased to help you if you want help. AA‘s telephone number can be found in your local phone book. I endorse it highly.

It is generally believed, by many in the field of alcoholism, that it is a three-fold disease: Mental, Physical, and Spiritual.

The “mental” part of the illness is not about the crazy things that drunks do when they drink but, it has to do with the “mental obsession” to drink even before the drink is picked up... a pre-occupation with thinking about drinking which is so powerful that an alcoholic must drink, even though they know what the end result will be. The “physical” aspect of the disease is, not that a person is destroying their health, (liver, pancreas, brain damage etc.) but, it is the physical compulsion that sets in after the first drink is downed. The physical compulsion to continue to drink takes over in the form of a deep incessant craving that an alcoholic must continue to drink until some outside incident stops them or they pass out. The “spiritual” part of the illness (has nothing to do with religion) has to do with the loss of an alcoholic's values, and a willingness to settle for less and less as their drinking continues. It becomes difficult for an alcoholic to determine the difference between right and wrong or good and bad. The alcoholic develops a change in priorities where drinking becomes more important than health, family, job and friends.

Stopping drinking is not a matter of willpower. Alcoholism is a disease. Drinking alcoholically is but a symptom of a deeper underlying problem that an alcoholic will eventually have to face up to in order to stop drinking for the long haul. Without learning what that problem is, trying to stay away from a drink is known as "white knuckle sobriety", or being on a “dry drunk”. It isn't very long before an alcoholic will continue to drink again and again no matter how many times they may promise to stop drinking. For any alcoholic there is no such thing as cutting down, drinking only on weekends, changing what they drink, or even switching to “near beer” with 0.5% alcohol. For an alcoholic nothing will work short of total and complete abstinence from any thing that contains alcohol or other mind-altering substances (drugs). Of course the exception is a medical doctor's prescription as long as the doctor understands that he or she is dealing with an addicted person. Unfortunately, all alcoholics must hit their own bottom before they do anything about stopping. I am sorry to say that hitting a bottom for some may mean going as low as a person can go...plus six feet!

Below you will find 12 questions that can be used to determine whether you are having a problem or not. They must be answered truthfully in order for them to be meaningful. But remember, you are the only one who can make the decision as to being an alcoholic or not, enough to want to do anything about it.

1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

2. Do you wish that people would mind their own business about your drinking and stop telling you what to do?

3. Have you ever switched from one drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?

4. Have you ever had an eye-opener upon wakening during the past year?

5. Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

6. Have you had any problems connected with drinking during the past year?

7. Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

8. Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

9. Do you tell yourself that you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?

10. Have you missed days at work or school because of drinking?

11. Do you have "blackouts"? A blackout is when you have been drinking there are periods of time that you can't remember.

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

IF YOU ANSWER YES TO 4 OR MORE QUESTIONS then you are probably in trouble with alcohol.

I really don't know what to tell you beyond what I have. I could go into lots more details if you want me to, but I think that I have written enough for you to digest for this time. If you want to contact me for further information, please get in touch with me again. Thank you Rebos