Expert: Rebos - 3/28/2007

Question
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years.  When we first met, he told
me that
he was an alcoholic.  Over the first two or three years, his drinking
got worse,
and he decided to go to rehab.  After that, he did not drink for
several
months, but lately, I've been worried that he is drinking behind my
back.  He
doesn't answer his phone late at night.  On the rare occasions when I
spend
the night with him, I THINK I smell alcohol on his breath, but it's
never totally
convincing.  And, he seems distant when I am with him.  On the other
hand,
I've snooped around his place a little, and I've never been able to
find any
signs of alcohol.  I have put up with a lot of pain, and I have
admitted to
myself that I must leave him if he is drinking.  But, how can I be sure
that he
really is drinking and that his distant behavior is not due to some
form of
depression?

Answer
Good afternoon Callie:

Thank you for your question. If you are not already aware of it alcohol in itself is a depressant. So if your boyfriend is drinking again he will compound any depression that he may have without drinking. If he is an admitted alcoholic and he only went to rehab and did not go to AA meetings the odds are that he is drinking. There is an old saying that once you make a cucumber into a pickle you can never turn it back to being a cucumber again. Alcoholism is a disease the AMA says that it is. I have never seen an alcoholic stop drinking for the long haul on willpower alone.

Alcoholics are kind of sneaky and will do just about anything to protect their right to drink. They say that an alcoholic, to hide his/her drinking, will learn how to speak while breathing in instead of out. If you can’t trust your boyfriend to be honest about his drinking or not then you have the wrong man for a boyfriend.

I would recommend that you start to attend Al-Anon meetings. They can be reached at: 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). Thank you Rebos.