AboutJan Edward Williams Expertise all questions related to drug or alcohol addiction, except those requiring the expertise of a physician or those relating to mental health problems apart from addiction. See my web site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
Experience I have been working as a licensed addictions counselor for 29 years and am in recovery myself for 31 years
Organizations Licensed Clinical Professional Counselors Maryland
Maryland Addictions Professional Certification Board
Education/Credentials MS Counseling
Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Maryland
Question my husband makes terrible irrisponsible decisions when he is drunk and i think he has a drinking problem....he has tamed down the frequency when he drinks its not nearly as bad as it used to be but i have caught him drinking behind my back....but when he does drink he doesnt know his limit, he gets drunk, and rude, he got called into work last night and he went in drunk...didnt come home i dont know where he is......in the past when i asked him to quit drinking all together he was very resistant and never agreed...it is the root to all of our problems and to me it causes such a gap between me and him that it is tearing our marriage apart, he choses to drink and drive frequently and it leaves me with a very unstable feeling, i dont know if he is going to get a dui and lose his job, or get in a car accident ...im tired of living my life worrying about the possible consiquences of his actions, he says im crazy, phyco, controlling, dont want him to ever do anything...but i dont think i am asking to much for the sake of our relationship and family....we have a precious 11 month old baby boy who is always ridiculously happy and i dont want to ever have any negative affect on him by his action....what do i do?? is it fair to say that he has a drinking problem? i need answers, what do i do ? do i say no more drinking at all? is it fair for me to have that standard...i know everyone has his or her own will and i cant control his actions, so is it fair to set that standard for me and my son! we have been together for six years and before our son i used to drink along with him at times but he would get out of hand back then too....since our son was born i stopped and decided to be a better example for our son is it fair to expect him to do the same...i need answers!!!
Answer Hello,
Your husband's drinking IS a problem. Going to work drunk, driving drunk, negative personality change, tension in your marriage, poor decisions, are all signs of alcoholism. He probably will not stop drinking just because you ask him to do so. He will probably need treatment for his alcoholism if he agrees to stop. I do not know if you have any leverage to force him to stop. Here is a resource for interventions: http://www.intervention.com/. You can also check my web site about enabling and other issues: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/FamilyAddictionsCounselingonline.html. I suggest you begin attending some Al-Anon meetings to learn how not to enable, and to get some support to help you: see http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html.
