Expert: Rebos - 9/21/2007

Question
I was reading some blog on the BBC and came across a site that recommended watching the documentary "Rain In My Heart."  I was able to download the documentary on-line and watched it (120 mins).  It was an eye-oper right into the horrors of what happens when you can't or won't stop drinking.  It's watching actual footage of how alcoholism has consumed 4 people's lives, it characterizes them at their very worst, end-stage liver failure.  All the common alcoholic behaviors are present: denial, anger, confusion, taking risks, all the behaviors that control their minds and now thier bodies. Two of the individuals die while filming this documentary.  

For anyone who is concerned about someones drinking or know someone who desperately needs to quit drinking, this would be the film to watch.  It's heartbreaking.

Rebo's thank you for your wisdom.

God's Grace to all.  

Answer
Good afternoon Cheryl and thank you for your kind words.

Yes, alcoholism is a great remover. It has been known to remove everything near and dear to an alcoholic including their lives. By any chance are you the Cheryl who wrote me some time ago about her husband drinking 12 cans of beer a day? If so I hope that he is in recovery, attending AA meetings, and that you have joined Al-Anon and are active in it.

I have written something that you may find interesting. It is part of a book that I am in the process of writing… so here goes, and I would appreciate your comments on it. Thank you Rebos

EPILOGUE – THE INTRUDER

Alcoholism is devastating to the host body in which it resides. So much so that it eventually takes it over totally and completely. The host usually has no idea that it has become infected. In its early stage the disease starts to develop a personality of its own, which the host cannot identify. It usually hides from the host behind a mask of denial during the time it is developing its own personality. All this time the host has no idea that the catalyst, which enables the disease to progress, is the hosts continued consumption of alcohol. The disease knows that it must target the host’s spirit, for its infection spreads by feeding on the host’s spirit… which is the one thing that can protect the host from its own destruction. Spread of the disease is sometimes fast, or sometimes slow, but spread it does as long as the host continues to drink. As the host does continue to drink alcohol, the disease becomes stronger and bolder with each passing day. There is no set time schedule as to when the disease takes on its own personality, but eventually the transformation becomes complete. The host’s body becomes the servant and no longer the master. Decision-making is taken over by the disease – the host is no longer in charge. The original make-up of the host has become but a distant memory, being remembered only during times of remorse and guilt. Remorse and guilt (as painful as they may be when experienced), can be an ally if acted upon in a positive way. Unfortunately, the disease tricks the host into believing that the way to be rid of the physical and emotional pain that it is experiencing is to drink more of the catalyst, alcohol. And when it does, because the pain subsides quickly, the host is tricked into believing that all is well. When the infection totally and finally takes over, the host becomes incapable of self-control in every area of its life. Its actions are now unpredictable, irresponsible and outright dangerous not only to the host itself, but to any others who may come into contact with it.

All who come into contact with the diseased host are in their own way are adversely affected by the disease ... for it is contagious in every sense of the word!

The physical pain that the host experiences, is incidental when compared to the emotional pain felt by it. The original host has become two separate entities, the destructive disease of alcoholism, and the spiritless shell of the host. Although they are in partnership because they live together, it is not an equal partnership. Alcoholism is master, and as long as it is allowed to continue being the master without intervention of some sort, its host has no control in the decision making process. Alcoholism is basically antisocial and it has no emotional ties to any living thing. However, when it serves its own purpose it will temporarily put on mask of sociability. Nothing else really counts but its survival by the host continuing to drink alcohol. The host becomes weaker spiritually, mentally, and physically as the disease continues to be fed with alcohol. It seems as though the very soul of the host has been ripped from its being. The disease directs all of its energy toward diminishing the host’s value system in order to protect its continued existence. The host’s basic social, moral and ethical standards have all but disappeared, and only on rare occasions are there glimmers of what once was, and a yearning to return to that time. The disease, however, is alert to this “weakness” and immediately takes action to suppress the host’s normal feelings of self-preservation. In this regard the disease has a number of physical defensive actions that it can take to protect itself… the shakes, DT’s, hangovers, panic attacks, dry heaves or the grand daddy of all ... the powerful physical compulsion to drink more. If the host’s physical defenses try to control its desire to stop drinking the disease then calls upon it strongest ally of all ... a “mental obsession” is added, and when coupled with the physical compulsion to drink causes the host to continue on its course of self destruction. The host is unaware that only an act of Providence can break the overwhelming need to drink. So the host drinks again, and the cycle starts over. Sometimes, call it what you will; a moment of truth, an act of Providence, fear of losing some thing important, serious threats from loved ones or employers, acknowledgment of a health crisis, or a family intervention, etc. Whatever causes its moment of truth the host decides that something is wrong, and that it must be fixed! Somehow the instinct for survival tells the host that all options have run out and all that is left, the most terrible of all ... is to stop drinking. The fear of what will happen is terrifying to the host, but the pain of remorse and guilt is becoming a very powerful and self-preserving drive. The thought of not drinking, at least for the moment, starts to become a serious consideration.

What then does the host do to get some distance between it and its last drink? It is the dilemma that all alcoholics become faced with sooner or later. Does the host confide in its doctor, its best friend, its long forgotten family, or make a call to Alcoholics Anonymous. Any one of these actions is a step in the right direction. What ever is occurring starts to become just a blur to the host. Things are starting to happen too quickly for it to grasp, and it starts to wonder if it has made a mistake in admitting to itself, and publicly that the person it once was has a problem that needs fixing. Meanwhile the disease is not taking the host’s action lightly without putting up a fight for “its” survival. The physical and mental obsession to drink is at an all time high. The disease, as never before, is putting on the pressure for the host to drink. The battle to not drink has become one of the critical times in the host’s ultimate recovery. It is possible that some hospitalization or detoxification may be necessary to get the host over its shakes and other effects that may occur in its battle of withdrawal from alcohol. It is not an easy time for the host to go through. It is just the beginning! There are many ways of getting sober and staying sober. The host can be one of the fortunate ones if Alcoholics Anonymous is brought into the picture at this time. It isn’t that AA has all the answers, but in dealing with similar situations a number of pitfalls may be avoided when its member’s experiences are brought to bear.

When AA is called, usually, two members will personally come to the host if invited to do so. If the host is a female at least one of them will be female member of AA. Likewise, if the host is a male the visitors will be male. The time that they spend with the sick host will be one of just talking, “that there is a way out of the sick alcoholic’s present situation”. This, the A.A.s accomplish by relating in very simple and non-professional terms what happened to them. They tell the host “their stories” of what it was like before they stopped drinking, what they were like when they first approached AA, and how their lives have changed since they came into AA. No pressure is ever put on the host as to what action should taken, but if the host has hit its “bottom” and has had enough trouble resulting from drinking, then the chances are good that the host will agree to go to an AA meeting with them. In the event that the host is sick, and needs detoxification, the A.A.s can help in making the arrangements. Questions as to medical insurance coverage should be discussed at this time. There are times that the A.A.s may drive the sick alcoholic host to the hospital or detox unit if conditions warrant. The time spent during the drive to the detox is normally time well spent, since it usually spent talking about AA and recovery from the disease of alcoholism.

Upon discharge from the hospital or detox, the now no longer “physically” alcohol dependent person has the choice of a lifetime to make… whether to go to an AA meeting on the day of discharge (if the timing allows), or instead finds some excuse to skip going to a meeting. If the decision is made skip a meeting then there is a better than 50% chance that the individual will return to drinking. Short memories are common with alcoholics. The best thing that he or she can do for themselves is to call a member of AA if they know one... or call their local central service office of AA to find out where and when the next AA meeting is. One may even ask the central office to have someone drive them to the meeting if necessary... or have a spouse, friend or other concerned person take them to an open meeting. A call directly to one of the A.A.s who originally came to the house may make it easier, since he or she may feel more comfortable with someone they have already met. Anything short of a very serious reason to not go to an AA meeting that first night (from Detox) will substantially increase his or her return to drinking, and possibly their death. The spouse, family or friend of the alcoholic may want to consider attending an Alanon meeting, whether or not the alcoholic decides to go to an AA meeting.

From this point on recovery can start to take place. If you who are reading this are at the point described above... I could wish you lots of luck. But… recovery from alcoholism has nothing to do with luck... it has to do with hard work and commitment of not wanting to return to the nightmare of active alcoholism. It won’t be easy or happen quickly, but believe me it will happen… and it will be worth it. Just keep going to as many meetings as possible, get active in the program, get an AA sponsor and use him or her, get active in a group, ask for help as many times a day as you need to, and above all give thanks for a day of sobriety and your release from hell.

The price of getting sober is an admission that you are having a problem with alcohol... the price of staying sober is your acceptance and commitment to do something about it.