Follow-Ups to Answer from Expert Kaye Mitchell, BLS, LCDC

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bill wrote at 2008-06-24 10:41:42
Thank you for this article, I've been searching for a description to explain my 52 year old mothers recent "pickled brain".  I only hope I'm able to get her to a Dr. but honestly I believe she would prefer a wet death.

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Maggie wrote at 2009-06-17 10:27:29
Hi Becky, I know exactly what you are going through.  My mom drank but so did my dad.  I finally left home at 18 and got married.  My dad passed away and my mom continued to drink.  Becky, she is 82 and still drinking and causing us grief.  I totally understand but you have to think of yourself or you will go nuts living like this.  If you need to talk I am here.  I can really relate to your problems.  Take care, Maggie

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MacKenzie Stonis wrote at 2010-02-26 04:06:26
Becky -



My mother is a 50+ alcoholic. Alcoholism is an interesting disease: it's the only disease that convinces the victim thew don't have a disease. Additionally, it progresses faster in women than it does in men. My best recommendation to you is to be sure that you know who has the power if attorney in the event of her death. I know this is a really horribly morbid thought, but it may be the only way you can extract information from her doctors should she get sick.



Additionally, provide her with consequences of her continued alcoholic behavior. And STICK TO THEM! I know she's your mother and you love her, but she won't get better until she understands what her drinking is doing to the people she loves. Even if it means cutting off contact for years, she needs to get clear that her alcoholic self damages her relationships with her family and friends. Even is a state of recovery, she may not be able to return to the mother you knew for a good long while. Be patient.



Be patient but be clear: do NOT give in to empty promises. This disease kills. If she's not willing to work on the relationships she destroyed and return to the wonderful woman you knew as your *mother*, consider her lost.



Alcoholism, for the loved ones, is worse than the deadliest physical disease. At least with Cancer, or something comparable, there are warnings, something to prepare you for the inevitable end. Alcoholism, if left unaddressed, will kill her.



My mother is in liver failure but will not admit it to anyone (this is where the power of attorney comes in handy). She's paranoid, in pain, and slowly dying. I wish I could be there for her, but she needs to muster an apology before I can be of any further assistance. (After 8 trips to the hospital -in under 6 years - for various alcoholic traumas, I believe I'm entitled...and she knows this.)



In sum total, Becky, address your mother's alcoholism frankly and directly. If she does not respond, provide her with a set of consequences and stick to them. This experience will likely be difficult for all involved, but letting her know your expectations will give her something to work towards.



I hope your situation works out better than mine has. Although, my mother is no longer a part of my life, many situations play out much better.  

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JC wrote at 2010-05-02 19:03:49
I would just like to add that Kaye mitchells response was very good and it actually helped me!



I am 30yrs old, I was 24 when my mother died at 52. she was an alcoholic for 12 years, possibly earlier. I recognise all of these symptoms. The mental abuse can be horrendous.





All I want to say, Becky, is to try and get out of the situation, don't blame yourself but please let you mum know that you love her. I do not know if my mother knew this and this thought still causes me pain.

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JMc wrote at 2010-10-19 23:47:01
I am a 54 year old alcoholic who struggles every day with this disease. I am currently concerned about my memory loss. I get mean when I drink too much and then feel guilty the next day. I feel I am frank and accountable for my bad behaviors, but I am not (yet) able to stop drinking. I have been in rehab 4 times. Those are my happiest times. I need to be locked up somewhere to stay sober. Please know that we alcoholics love you adult children very much. We feel terrible that we are not "there" for you, as we were when you were children. We miss you. Try not to desert your mothers, but mainly, watch out for your own well being. In my case this disease is very hereditary.

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discouraged daughter and sister wrote at 2010-12-16 22:00:36
At the time of this writing my 50 year old drunk brother is at my 88 year old mothers' house. Another sister rescued her by taking her out. My brother has been drinking since he was 15 with only short periods of sobriety. He always finds ways to get the money needed to buy his vodka. He tricks my mother out of her money saying that he needs food. He lives alone. When all money has dried up he goes to detox. He has been admitted at least 50 times. Yes 5 0 times. He seems to be a helpless case. We know about tough love but have a hard time practicing it like in cases when he's in the cold or has no food or just plain looks pathetic. As I said in the beginning he's in her house right now. Mom lives in a elderly project and her neighbors have witnessed the police pick him up many, many times. She won't and doesn't want us to call the police because she feels such shame and feels that all of her neighbors look down on her. If a family member goes to get him he will fight with us.  He is a mean drunk. One good thing, he has never been physically abusive to mom and I don't think he ever will. The mental and psychological misery he has put her through breaks my heart. She's a wonderful woman and Mom! She, like most of the rest of the family, is not a drinker. HHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! Where is the answer?

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